I had a pretty serious conversation with my Mom last night about love and relationships that hurt. She was sharing details about a relationship in her life that is very hurtful. I don't know if my conversation with my Mom was helpful at all to her, but it definitely got me thinking. After I finished talking with my Mom, I started thinking about love and who we show love to and who we do not. Why do we love who we love? Is it because they love us back? We all have different ways in which we show our love, so how do we understand one another? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I do know that one can not continuously hurt you over-and-over again without you losing love of yourself for putting up with it. I think one of the greatest loves of all is love of self. If you can't love yourself, there's no way you can be loved or fully love another.

Up in Arms

In The Dallas Morning News Sunday, December 17 edition, two columnists write about the recent news of Mary Cheney's pregnancy. A mere pregnancy wouldn't seem like news to many, except that Mary Cheney is Vice President, Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter, and her spouse is a woman ("spouse" is used loosely since the couple lives in Virginia where they can not be legally married, though they consider themselves just that). These two writers, Ruth Marcus and Tony Perkins, speak to the their own personal view of Mary Cheney's "situation" and how it affects the Republican Party and the child that is to be expected into the home of two gay women.

Marcus speaks more from the liberal side of things saying, "the real tragedy [with a child born to two mothers] is lack of progress in [the Republican Party]"; I agree. Marcus goes on to quote Janice Crouse of Concerned Women for America, which, as stated on their web site, is "the nation's largest public policy women's organization with a rich 27-year history of helping members across the country bring Biblical principles into all levels of public policy." Crouse says Cheney's choice to have a child with another woman is, "unconscionable...her action repudiates traditional values and sets an appalling example for young people at a time when father absence is the most pressing social problem facing the nation." Crouse goes on to say, "[Cheney's] child will have all the material advantages it will need, but it will still encounter the emotional devastation common to children without fathers." EXCUSE ME?!? Ms. Crouse has hit a nerve. Luckily the writer agrees, as she states that to be a child that is "badly wanted," which is evident through the fact that same sex couples have to go to extra lengths to have children,is neither "unconscionable" nor "an appalling example for young people." Personally, I think Ms. Crouse is completely out of line and as a person who grew-up in a home with a single mother, I am living evidence that there was no emotional devastation from not having a father to help raise me. Seriously?!

Our other friendly columnist, Perkins, who works for the Family Research Council which believes that God is the author of life, liberty and the family and promotes the Judeo-Christian worldview as the basis for a just, free, and stable society, according to the organization's web site, makes Ms. Crouse seem sweet in comparison to his take on this controversial topic of same sex couples having children together. Perkins states that, "study after study demonstrates that no amount of care or financial privilege can compensate for the missing physical and emotional benefits experienced by children who enjoy the lifelong love and presence of a married mother and father." Hmmm...I agree that no amount of money or "care" can compensate for the love of parents, but the gender of those parents are really inconsequential, in my opinion. Love is not defined by gender and sexuality. I say a child with two people to raise him that truly love and care for him is a very lucky child.

We have too many children with no parents, no one who loves them at all, in the world to be so up in arms over two people who love each other and want to share that love with a child. And, by the way, the love of Mary Cheney and her partner, Heather Poe, is in no way bad or wrong or unhealthy for a child. As a matter of fact, I'd rather see both the Family Research Council and the Concerned Women for America groups focus their time and energy on areas where no love can be found, instead of on a couple and an issue where love is in every corner of the decision to first be together and then to conceive and raise a child.

And to the fact that children without a mother and a father raising them is devastating to the child, well, if that's the case, I might as well head home for the day as work is just too overwhelming for this poor, devastated, yet successful young woman who was raised by a strong, intelligent, loving, wonderful mother, who just happened to be divorced. Puh-lease...

I am

...worried about the health of my grandfather.

...confused by the warm weather (75 degrees in December!!).

...excited about Christmas.

...proud of my grades for the semester (two A's, a 4.0!!).

...happy about re-connecting with my siblings in the last month.

...looking forward to 2007.

...frustrated by my lack of focus at work these days.

...ecstatic about my upcoming week off from work.

...invigorated by the Mentee Forum I attended this morning where I learned about a department of our corporation (Advocacy & Community Benefit) that I knew little about, but have always been very interested in. I will have to do further research!

...secretly satisfied with the gifts I have purchased for my husband for Christmas this year.

I'm already working on those New Year's Resolutions. Not necessarily following through with them yet, but definitely formulating them in my mind. I've pretty much kept with my resolutions as I look back on those that I've written down from the past. Last year, I wanted to lose 20 lbs. and I achieved that (though I've added a few back!!). I also wanted to be more flexible, go-with-the-flow, laid back...well, I'm still working on that as it's a life change much grander than I thought.

This year, some of my resolutions will not be that different from others: be healthier, lose a little more weight, achieve more, do things that are meaningful, spend more quality time with those I love, etc., etc. But there is another resolution that is personal enough for me not to write it here, but important enough for me to at least mention in theory. The basis of this private resolution is less of about the resolution itself than it is about a private wish; a penny thrown in the fountain; the shooting star of all shooting stars; and I am making it each morning when I wake and each night before I sleep. Until this wish comes true, I will make and keep my resolutions so as to prepare myself for when this wish may come true.

Looking forward to making my resolutions more concrete and complete and my wishes coming true.

I've never read a magazine article that made me cry,

but this one did.

up front

"The Waiting Room"

in the December issue of Vogue

(The writer and his wife have experienced several miscarriages and believe they are going through their fifth when the radiologist comes into

the hospital room where the wife is to confirm the worst.)

"And then, an hour later, standing behind a good-hearted radiology tech called in from a night hitting the bars, I watched a picture appear on the gray screen of the sonogram monitor. We were waiting, yet again, for confirmation of the end of a life that we had made from nothing but hope and desire. From her position on the exam table, Aleksandra couldn't see the monitor, but I could. There was some fumbling-by now she was sobbing so hard that the picture was shaking as if battered by a storm-before the image finally steadied, and through the tears of my disbelief I saw the tiny throbbing heroic pulse of our baby's still-beating heart.

I think back now; I always do. I can't help it. It is my tic, obsession, deepest pleasure, and most elaborate haunting. I'm probably not by nature an optimist, and I know I'm not blind. Every morning on the way up to my third-floor office I stop in for a visit with my son, Garrick, who is eight months old. I do this just to remind myself; to pray at the altar; to take a whiff of his life. I think to myself; If any of the others had worked, we wouldn't have him. And I can imagine no one but him. I don't know God very well, but it's my belief that God can imagine no one but him...I kiss his frog's belly, make a couple of embarrassing googly sounds, tell him to be good, and drag myself up to my office to begin another day of work: to try to find words for the radical effect of his arrival on our lives, how long it took him to get here, and how hard the journey was."

Random Thoughts Today

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas...one of my top five favorite times of the year. I purchased my first Christmas gifts today during my lunch hour and I received my first gift from one of my vendors today, as well!! I guess it's all beginning. I think everyone is a little more relaxed in December, a little less irritated and frustrated with the world...at least I know I am.

I got my Christmas cards out the week after Thanksgiving, got the tree and decorations up, too. I am now working on Christmas gifts and I feel really good about that progress thus far.

This year, hubby and I decided to remain in Dallas for the holidays so that we could just spend time at home, relaxing and enjoying our home. For the past two years we've either been new homeowners (2004) or in New York (2005). So, this will be our first real Christmas in Dallas. Family will be coming into town, friends will join us for some festivities and new traditions will be born.

Speaking of new traditions, I had a conversation with one friend who argued that beginning a tradition just for the sake of having a tradition isn't good. He said he believes that traditions should just happen naturally and not just occur because they're forced or because they are pre-arranged. An interesting take on things as my personality tends to want to "force" just about everything as it is the element of control I am after. But I will take his advice to heart and see how it all shakes out.

Now that school is about over and all assignments are completed, I feel a weight has been lifted and that it is "downhill" from here for the remainder of the year and into 2007. (2007!? Wow, that's crazy!!) Now I will have more time to myself to read, scrapbook and spend time with hubby and friends. I can focus a little on a couple of organizational projects at work and home that I've been thinking about. It should be a fun few weeks without school until the next semester begins.

Hope this time of year finds you as peaceful and content as it finds me!

Happy, Happy Holidays!!!

As you will probably be able to tell for a while, I am really into the Daily Quotes from Real Simple magazine that I recently signed up to receive via e-mail each day. These quotes seem to speak right to me and tell me something I am needing so much to hear. See below.

"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize

how good things really are."
— Marianne Williamson

After a weekend in Houston for my older sister's wedding, something occurs to me that relates directly to this quote. How great would it be if we all just sat back and realized all that is good in our lives, and the lives of those around us, instead of finding fault in everything. I watched my gorgeous sister marry a man that she has been trying to marry for years now. She was so happy and her kids were so happy and he was so happy and his kids were so happy-it was complete joy right there in front of us all. How can anyone not see that and not want that for them and for themselves?

Along those same lines, I find myself getting seriously anxious about going to Houston to visit because of old ghosts and family drama that always seems to rear their ugly heads. As one very wise friend tends to remind me when these anxious times arise, "You can't control the situation/person/etc., all you can control is how you react to the situation/person/etc." Words of wisdom that are truly hard to remember when you're in the middle of a dramatic situation. This past weekend was no different. There are many parts of the weekend that were quite enjoyable and joyful, while others were disappointing and anxiety-ridden. I guess the only way to get through the latter is to remember the quote above, and know that joy is found in the things in our life that are good and that may not be truly recognized as they should. For example:

-My grandparents are 81 and 85 and they are still very active, happy individuals. I am so joyful to have them in my life and to be able to sit and talk with them about life, laugh with them about silly things and know that they are there for me no matter what.

-My sister is in love. Some people go their whole lives without ever finding true love, and she has found that. What a joy that is!

-My nieces and nephews are smart, witty and beautiful. They are a completely realized joy for me.

-Me and my siblings are all thriving, independent individuals. What a joy we must be to our parents.

-All of the people that make up my family are gifts in my life and I am very lucky to have them. We have our health and we have one another, and we would all do well to think about this more often.

All-in-all things in my life are really very good. I recognize that and I commit to remembering that each and every morning as I wake and each and every night before I go to sleep. I hope you can do the same and find that joy in all of the things that are truly very good in your life.