Miss Rylee is quite a bit larger than this now since this was taken on March 6 and we're now getting into June entering the ninth month of my pregnancy, but this is the sonogram I have on my desk here at work. The one that reminds me when I feel an ache or pain, want to complain about the blood thinner injections or the rising numbers on the scale that this is all so, very worth it.

I have a confession to make...

I'm having an affair...

I'm not even sure how it all started, but now I can't seem to make it stop, and I don't think I want to stop.

My affair? It's with paper products.

That's right. I love paper. I can't get enough, especially these days. Invitations, thank you notes, stationery, mailing labels, notebook paper, printer paper; I love it all!!

My new favorite spot to get these products? www.tinyprints.com

I got hooked after searching for the perfect baby announcements for Miss Rylee. Then I moved on to the heavier stuff - baby shower invitations for a friend. After that I ordered not one, but TWO different sets of thank you notes - one for my unborn child and the other for my pregnant friend. It's really pretty sad. All this while I have at least two sets of nice thank you notes sitting at home that I use, as well. And here's the other big piece of this... Tiny Prints offers on-line chats with their customer services reps when you have questions and I have chatted with these reps a number of times making sure I am getting discounts, seeing if I can make changes to the designs and lay-outs of my paper items. I know I've gone too far, but I can't help myself!!

Does anyone have the number for PPA? (Paper Products Anonymous)

What They Don't Know...

As the countdown to meeting my baby girl winds into days instead of months, I am feeling excited, hopeful, anxious and emotional all at once. This is how I respond when life hands me something new and different from anything I've ever experienced; and this is something really important. I must admit, whether it's the pregnancy and the hormones or the overwhelming fact that I am going to be a Mother and have a child dependent on me, I am easily angered, easily irritated and easily made to tear up. I try to get a grip on myself, but it's just not that easy. Lately I've been getting a ton of work done sitting right here in my office because I am a little bit afraid of hosting too many meetings outside the office with alumni and donors because of my emotions. Here now because of my rising and falling emotions I feel the need for this confession...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is hitting me. I am going to have a baby; I am going to be a Mother and the rest of my life is changed forever. I do not take it lightly and I do not even begin to think I know what I have in store, but I am so looking forward to it. The happiness I feel just having my baby move inside my tummy will be no match to the love and adoration I feel when I hold her in my arms. And I guess some of my irritation comes from people just walking around in their own world not realizing what's about to happen in my life. How can they discuss such simple matters when this momentous occasion is upon me?! Of course, this momentous occasion has nothing to do with them and they have no way of knowing how I am feeling, nor should they really care, but for me, it's all pretty serious from here on out! I guess I should take lots of deep breaths and try to remember that not everyone understands the exceptionally wonderful, emotionally charged experience I am having and will have in becoming Rylee's Mom. What a pity that they don't know what I know - that I am embarking on the greatest love affair ever, that I am going to be brought to my knees with responsibility and love for another human being. I guess I should let everyone off the hook, they obviously can't help it that they don't know what I know.

FAT & HAPPY

Fat

1. plump; well-fed

2. wealthy; prosperous; rich

3. plentifully supplied

4. fertile, as land

AND

Happy

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing

2. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky

3. synonyms: joyous, joyful, blithe, cheerful, merry, contented, gay, blissful, satisfied.

Why I'm FAT & HAPPY...

"FAT" (wealthy; prosperous; rich) with Beauty

A beautiful baby shower given by five of my very best friends - Brooke, Mandy, Nicole, Barbara & Jenn - this past Saturday.

I felt beautiful, the flowers and party decor were beautiful, the food was beautiful and seeing so many people that I love from so many different parts of my life interacting was a beautiful thing to behold. The highlight of the party for me was giving, instead of receiving. I gave unique gifts of gratitude to each of the five hostesses and watched their faces go from anticipation to surprise to glee, and felt each emotion along with them. That was beautiful, too!

"HAPPY" (delighted, pleased or glad...) with Acceptance and Understanding

My Mother and I spent a day of pampering together on Saturday before the baby shower and we enjoyed it very much - me more so than my Mom, I think. I am learning so much about my Mother these days. I am watching and listening and experiencing her from a place of acceptance instead of scrutiny. We are very different from one another and I've always been pretty alright with that, but for some reason on Saturday I saw so many new things about my Mother. She doesn't really like a whole lot of fuss made over her, and is accepting of herself as she is. She doesn't really enjoy the spontaneous chatter from group to group that occurs at a cocktail party, but prefers more intimate, more in-depth conversations. She doesn't really enjoy crowds, and will rise with the sun to enjoy her solitude. But what I learned this weekend is that above all else my Mother can handle any situation thrown at her, whether it is her preference, or not. My Mother is like a butterfly who is beautiful in all her own glory as she was originally made, not meant to be captured and admired for too long before she must fly again on her own and in her own way leaving a lasting impression with any into whose life she has landed.

"FAT" (plump, well-fed; fertile) with Love for my Baby

Rylee Claire is 4 lbs. and 6 oz. with big feet, long legs, active hands and arms and mouth, and her Mother (ME!) is round and rotund and full from pregnancy. As I become more in tune with my unborn child's movements and growth progress, I am realizing how connected I already am with her. I know she is not a morning baby, except when I am hungry and need to eat, as her movements are much stronger just before bedtime. I know she loves her Daddy as when he is near and speaking to me or to her, she is very active and excited. I know she loves to have me sing to her, usually when we are alone in the car. It's amazing how much I love this little girl already. I think often of what she will look like, what her personality will be, and so much more. What an exciting time...

As I celebrate my own FAT & HAPPY time, I wish all of those who are such a special part of this time in my life your very own FAT & HAPPY!!