Today was a great day. Spending time alone with my daughter; a visit from a dear friend; and my Husband home early from work - not to mention the gorgeous weather! The photo above is proof of our wonderful day - all smiles as a family. And boy was Miss Rylee enjoying the outdoors. The photo below was taken of her only moments before the photo above was taken. She slept soundly for more than 30 minutes on the blanket out on the front lawn while clutching her Lovie. These are the moments that life is really all about. Loving your family, your friends and your home...ahhhh...perfection.

Spills & Thrills

As I walked into the house last night after having to work late, I smelled something cooking in the oven, heard the faint crankiness of my daughter and felt an almost palpable anxiety in the air. I peeked into the kitchen where I saw pans and cooking items strewn about, baby bottles and their accessories toppled over, lights blaring, the back door not shut all the way, and my Husband calling down from Rylee's room saying, "We're up here..." I quickly started up the stairs and found Greg and Rylee rocking in the glider in Rylee's room. They seemed safe and fine, but there was still that bit of anxiety on both Greg and Rylee's faces. Since it was baby's bedtime, I changed from my work clothes and sat down with Rylee to feed her. Greg said he had to get back downstairs to clean up his mess and then jokingly said, "This was a piece of cake!" The piece of cake activity to which he was referring was caring for our 3-month-old daughter all alone for a few hours while I worked late. Greg was responsible for keeping her company, recognizing that she was tired and ready for her bath and pjs before I got home to feed her and put her to bed. Greg has assisted me with all of these activities, but he'd not had to do the bath and bed routine on his own, and he did a great job...with just a little mess left in his wake. The anxiety I sensed, I believe, was simply due to the fact that both Greg and Rylee knew something was missing, something was just not quite complete...momma wasn't home! That makes me feel good. It also makes me feel good to know my Husband is such a good Father to our little girl and that even with a few spills and thrills, he can do anything!

Baba's Love

My grandmother, who is 88 years old, was in town this past weekend and every time I think of my grandmother I think of sugar. She puts sugar into everything she does, literally and figuratively. As I watched her love on my baby girl, I was struck by how lucky both me and Rylee are to have Baba in our lives to tell us the same stories over and over again; crack us up with her hilarious way; and feed us, oh yes, feed us big time!! Baba, as I call her, is a great Southern cook and if you know anything about Southern cooking, you know it's all about love, sugar and butter. So, as Baba was preparing to come to Dallas this past weekend she asked what we wanted her to fix to eat. Of course she would bring a tub of pimento cheese (yes, even sugar in that!), and some fresh fruit from the market, but what desserts and what main dish would we want? Well, I was in the mood for peach cobbler and since she'd already be in the crusty mode for that, I figured some chicken and dumplings would be nice. Now let me tell you that with Baba's chicken and dumplings, the dumpling is definitely the star of the show. Those tiny pieces of chicken can't stand up next to those fluffy, creamy biscuits, and that's how we like it! Of course my Husband said he wanted Baba to make a bread pudding and some cookies, so what does Baba do - she makes it ALL!! So all weekend I snuck little bites of this and that, thinking I could never eat a whole bowl of anything she made because of all that sugar and butter. This morning, however, I decided to really indulge and instead of packing a nice, healthy lunch for myself, I packed up a small container of the peach cobbler and that was my lunch. And as one of my co-workers noticed this strange lunch indulgence coming out of the microwave, I quickly retorted, "IT HAS FRUIT IN IT!!" Yes, it has fruit and sugar and butter...and love. All I really wanted for lunch today was a little of Baba's love.

JOY & SATISFACTION

I assume it's because I have a new baby girl in my life, but I feel so joyful and satisfied with my life. A friend asked me this morning how I am doing these days, and I honestly had only the most positive and happy response to give. My life is wonderful: I feel beautiful and I am healthy, I have a beautiful, healthy Daughter, a loving Husband, friends and family that I am close with, a great Home and a fulfilling career. What else could a girl want? I know how blessed I am and I feel it all day every day. Maybe that's just one of the ways my life has changed - I have a new outlook and a renewed sense of joy and satisfaction. But, of course, my life has changed in many other ways, as well.

As a mother, I became that identity right away. I now think of Rylee's needs before my own. I don't hesitate to respond to her, even when it's not convenient or comfortable (3 a.m.!!). I have even sacrificed financially, socially and personally and feel those sacrifices aren't a sacrifice in the least. As an only child, I have been accustomed to a certain level of independence and, how should I say it, selfishness. Well, suddenly I don't feel such a need for either of those things as it relates to my Daughter. She is my focus and my heart. My how a baby changes things, and what they've always told me is correct, "Once you have a baby, you won't be the baby any more." And you know what? I'm completely OK with that fact!!

One final thought on this mothering thing...I realized last night that I haven't fully appreciated and examined the amazing experience that is child birth. I was lying in bed last night just recalling all that my body did and went through to give life to Rylee, from pregnancy to delivery, and I was so proud of myself. I know women all over the world since the beginning of time have been giving birth and nothing I did was particularly unique, but it is nevertheless remarkable. And as I was thinking about this, I had a moment of sadness over not being pregnant any longer. Of course, I could do without the pain and discomfort, but just that feeling of having my baby inside me moving around. I almost can't remember what it feels like and that makes me sad. My Husband referred to this line of thought as my version of the Baby Blues. I just think I am in awe of every step that has brought me to motherhood - all of the physicality, the emotion and the commitment. Each step has brought me to this place of joy and satisfaction.

It's sort of sad to me when I see my precious, pure, new baby girl with her first mosquito bite, her first scab from where she has scratched herself, the first signs of the Texas heat affecting her sensitive skin with heat rash and those tiny pin size bruises from her first vaccinations. I know there are going to be lots of bumps, bruises, scars and sniffles along the way in Rylee's life (and mine alongside her!), and I will relish in my ability, as mommy, to kiss the pain away. But I am sort of sad that she won't stay my perfectly pink little angel forever.

The New Baby-Kitchen Renovation Diet

It seems the life of a new mother, at least for me, consists of little time to think about or prepare food, and many hours a day spent breastfeeding and moving around with baby. I actually have what I call the "3:30 Burn" - it's a workout created to lull my cranky baby to sleep at that time of day as this is when she needs a little extra help. I turn on the music, hold Rylee in my arms and bend and rock and swing around until she goes to sleep. I can feel the arms and legs burn when I finally lay her down some 30-45 minutes after I begin "the Burn."

As for my food consumption, in the mornings my sweet Husband brings me a healthy cereal topped with soy milk and blueberries for breakfast but after that I'm on my own. When I finally do get around to eating again, it's usually been something easy, like a salad with very few toppings, or a sandwich with meat only. Long gone are the days of my pregnancy when I would consume sweet tea every day and "mange" on anything from impressive not-so-healthy salad creations to three-meat pizza! But in addition to the New Baby portion of my own personal diet, we are in the process of having our kitchen renovated. Anyone who knows us knows we are a bit obsessive about improving our home...o'kay, it's really my Husband that has the obsession but I like to go along with it as I reap the rewards, as well. This week the remaining cabinets came out along with some sheet rock and all of our food, except for what's in the fridge, got moved out. Plates and glasses are covered with plastic which is covered in dust and wood shavings. I am lucky we have a good stash of plastic forks and disposable plates! So, these days my lunches are even simpler, consisting only of what I can quickly pull from the fridge while the contractor works diligently behind me. Today's meal was salad greens with cherry tomatoes and vinaigrette dressing, half an avocado, a chicken breast Greg cooked and brought home for me yesterday, and grapes for dessert with, of course, my daily dose of water to wash it down. No frills, no fuss...just fresh, easy fare. And I am already down just below my pre-pregnancy weight and back into my pre-pregnancy blue jeans after only a month! Hooray! The New Baby-Kitchen Renovation Diet works for me. :-)

I have a confession to make...

When my baby girl is sound asleep, I sneak kisses. I kiss her sweet, round cheeks, her perfect little nose, her long, chubby toes and her soft, pink feet. I am addicted to her scent, her silky skin, her softness overall. Admitting my addiction is the first step...to doing it all over again! Gotta go, baby is sleeping and I must get my kisses in.

Lessons This New Mother Has Learned (Sometimes the Hard Way) This Last Month

First, I have the most beautiful, perfect, precious princess daughter ever!

• Nothing lasts forever. This would include my pregnancy, which seemed endless, especially in the last two months. Now that I am not pregnant and well on my way to feeling physically back to my old self save for a few bumps, bruises and battle wounds that I am certainly proud of, I am now feeling a bit sad at not having my baby girl with me all the time. It is the first of what I'm sure will be my growing pains of letting go when it comes to my daughter. Another experience that one should be so ever grateful that it doesn't last forever is labor. Though it had its excrutiating moments and lasted for many hours from start to finish, I blinked and it was over, and then I realized that one of the most pivotal experiences in my entire existence is over. I mourn for that experience all while I am living in pure joy over holding my precious baby girl in my arms. Nothing lasts forever, even those who seem larger than life and appear to have it all. Michael Jackson's untimely death on June 25 (the day I got home from the hospital with Rylee) opened a huge void in the entertainment and music world, but also created a void for me, personally. He has touched my entire life with his music, dancing and performances. I have been a fan since before I could even understand what it was to be a fan; we're talking the Jackson Five days, my friends. But above losing an amazing entertainment genius, as a new mother, I think of MJ's children. I pray that they find peace and are surrounded only by those who love them and who loved their father. Rest in peace dear King.


• Time flies, enjoy every millisecond. We celebrated 30 glorious days and nights with Miss Rylee Claire on July 23. Every moment that she has been in this world has been blessed and joyful for me. I can't believe she is already one month young, and I can't imagine by life before she became a part of it.
  
• Love, acceptance and humor are essential. As my Mother always says, "We choose who we want to be in the world." We choose how we are going to feel, act and react to each and every moment, situation and person, but sometimes the choices others make may influence who we choose to be in the world. I have learned since becoming a mother myself how very true this is through a number of important situations. I have also had the privilege of seeing my Husband blossom over the last nine months. Acceptance and humor, well those were and are HUGELY important for being by my side the last 11 months, influencing me to relax a little more and try not to sweat the small stuff. I may not always completely understand his intentions and ways of showing he cares - I think it's a male vs. female thing - but I know I am loved and that's all a girl can ask of her Husband. In addition to my Husband's love, I have been surrounded by so much love, care and friendship over the last 30 days (and many, many days, months and years before now) that I feel overflowing with it. I want to speak specifically to Jenn, Brooke, Nicole, Barbara and Mandy, each of whom have been and will continue to be my rock, my shoulder, my advisor, my saving grace. I could not have gotten through my pregnancy, my hospital experiences, and my first month as a new mother without each and every one of you; and none of you are off the hook for at least another 18 years!! Each of you are crowned "Auntie" for Princess Rylee and thus as part of your duties, you are required to help her poor Mother along in life for my sake and for Rylee's. :-) All kidding aside, the advice, the laughter, the complete and utter attention to being there for me when I've needed it most...I am more grateful than I have ever been. Thank you for teaching me how very special and necessary your love, acceptance and humor are, once again. I can only hope to return the favors over the coming years of my friendship with each of you.

Happy Two-Week Birthday to Rylee!!

A Day in the Life of a Two-Week-Old Princess Baby

Hard to believe, but we are wrapping up two weeks since Miss Rylee Claire made her entrance into the world on June 23. Daddy Greg and I have gotten into a nice little routine with our baby girl and it feels nice. I start the day feeding Rylee around 3 a.m. and again at 6 a.m. at which time instead of putting her right back to sleep, I hold her a little longer, cuddling and snuggling her. The first favorite part of my day begins as we watch the sun rise through the big tree behind our house that shades and hugs our home protectively. What a beautiful way to begin every day, cloaked in the warmth of my little angel. When I know Rylee is sound asleep and I can no longer keep my eyes open, I put her back to bed. We sleep another hour or so before the next feeding around 9 a.m., after which Daddy gets to hold and snuggle Rylee while Mommy wrings just a bit more shut eye out of the morning. Sometimes this final nap isn't possible for me because of doctor appointments or things that need to be done, but we try to sneak it in as often as we can. Once we rise and shine, and discuss exactly how many hours of wonderfully interrupted sleep I had, Daddy gets started on breakfast while Mommy and Rylee get dressed for the day. This is another of my favorite times, when Rylee is alert and happy and we talk about her outfit and about her day. She sits pleasantly in her rocker while I take a shower and get dressed, as if she knows exactly what's expected of her. And so our day begins...sometimes with an errand to run, or quiet time in the living room, or a visitor to shower us with love and shower Rylee with praise, and lots of feeding and diaper changing and snuggling and rocking. Then as the sun begins to set, we settle in as a family. At 8:00, or so, we retreat back upstairs for a little TV and for Daddy's scheduled time to bond, yet again, with his Princess. Rylee loves her Daddy and I do believe she already has him wrapped around that perfectly sculpted, long, thin pinky of her's. It's a joy for me to experience seeing them together. She challenges him at times, giving a pout or a scrunch or her nose with a slight meow of petulance, but Daddy responds so well to her, pretending he's immune to her girlie moods. After the final "normal" feeding, Daddy puts Rylee to bed, kisses me good-night and we fall deeply into the O'Neill Slumber...for that blissfully interrupted night of sleep. And that is a day in the life of our Princess. Yes, we really do understand the Life of Rylee as she shows us our only job and our only care every day is for her, what a life!

My Sweet Girl Has Arrived

Rylee Claire O'Neill came into the world on June 23 as we might have expected - she came quickly, on her own schedule and with a big wail letting everyone know she was here. The experience of giving birth to my daughter was one I'll never forget. I worked hard, knowing that the ultimate gift was soon within my reach, and feel I made my sweet girl proud with my labor and delivery performance. When the doctor said, "Here she is..." and the nurse then laid her on my chest, I was more emotional, elated, overwhelmed and in love than I have ever been in my life. I held her and cried and my Husband and I kissed each other over her and stared at her. We couldn't believe it! Now that she's in the world, I can't imagine life without her. It's as though she was destined to be my child from before the beginning of time. Purely and simply the love of my life, oh and beautiful to boot!

Greg and I are so incredibly happy and feel so lucky for every moment since June 23 at 8:55 a.m. when our daughter graced us with her birth. So, here are some of my favorite photos from over the past few days. I know there will be so many more where these come from, but it's a start...

Taking Bets

Everyone around me seems to have a guess as to when my little one will arrive. I am in the home stretch now and Rylee is doing so well - she could arrive at any time. Doc says we won't go to her due date - June 29 - but will induce by June 23 if she doesn't arrive before then. I have to say, having the light at the end of the tunnel so close is very exciting and scary!!

Here at work the ladies are overjoyed and excited. Each one has their own take on when the glorious event will take place. Of course, several hope I will go into labor right here in the office so they can proudly escort me to the hospital. That's sweet, but I'd rather go into labor at home.

One lady, in particular, here at work has said from the beginning that I would have the baby on June 11 (that's today!!) and she is sticking to that. She believes Rylee will be here before midnight tonight. That would be something!

I am thinking Rylee will be here sometime next week or weekend before June 23. What a nice Father's Day gift this would be for Greg if she were to arrive on June 20 or 21! I guess none of us really know what will happen. It's all up to the body and the baby at this point, but, as my Doc said last week: My daughter will have a June birthday!!

Miss Rylee is quite a bit larger than this now since this was taken on March 6 and we're now getting into June entering the ninth month of my pregnancy, but this is the sonogram I have on my desk here at work. The one that reminds me when I feel an ache or pain, want to complain about the blood thinner injections or the rising numbers on the scale that this is all so, very worth it.

I have a confession to make...

I'm having an affair...

I'm not even sure how it all started, but now I can't seem to make it stop, and I don't think I want to stop.

My affair? It's with paper products.

That's right. I love paper. I can't get enough, especially these days. Invitations, thank you notes, stationery, mailing labels, notebook paper, printer paper; I love it all!!

My new favorite spot to get these products? www.tinyprints.com

I got hooked after searching for the perfect baby announcements for Miss Rylee. Then I moved on to the heavier stuff - baby shower invitations for a friend. After that I ordered not one, but TWO different sets of thank you notes - one for my unborn child and the other for my pregnant friend. It's really pretty sad. All this while I have at least two sets of nice thank you notes sitting at home that I use, as well. And here's the other big piece of this... Tiny Prints offers on-line chats with their customer services reps when you have questions and I have chatted with these reps a number of times making sure I am getting discounts, seeing if I can make changes to the designs and lay-outs of my paper items. I know I've gone too far, but I can't help myself!!

Does anyone have the number for PPA? (Paper Products Anonymous)

What They Don't Know...

As the countdown to meeting my baby girl winds into days instead of months, I am feeling excited, hopeful, anxious and emotional all at once. This is how I respond when life hands me something new and different from anything I've ever experienced; and this is something really important. I must admit, whether it's the pregnancy and the hormones or the overwhelming fact that I am going to be a Mother and have a child dependent on me, I am easily angered, easily irritated and easily made to tear up. I try to get a grip on myself, but it's just not that easy. Lately I've been getting a ton of work done sitting right here in my office because I am a little bit afraid of hosting too many meetings outside the office with alumni and donors because of my emotions. Here now because of my rising and falling emotions I feel the need for this confession...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is hitting me. I am going to have a baby; I am going to be a Mother and the rest of my life is changed forever. I do not take it lightly and I do not even begin to think I know what I have in store, but I am so looking forward to it. The happiness I feel just having my baby move inside my tummy will be no match to the love and adoration I feel when I hold her in my arms. And I guess some of my irritation comes from people just walking around in their own world not realizing what's about to happen in my life. How can they discuss such simple matters when this momentous occasion is upon me?! Of course, this momentous occasion has nothing to do with them and they have no way of knowing how I am feeling, nor should they really care, but for me, it's all pretty serious from here on out! I guess I should take lots of deep breaths and try to remember that not everyone understands the exceptionally wonderful, emotionally charged experience I am having and will have in becoming Rylee's Mom. What a pity that they don't know what I know - that I am embarking on the greatest love affair ever, that I am going to be brought to my knees with responsibility and love for another human being. I guess I should let everyone off the hook, they obviously can't help it that they don't know what I know.

FAT & HAPPY

Fat

1. plump; well-fed

2. wealthy; prosperous; rich

3. plentifully supplied

4. fertile, as land

AND

Happy

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing

2. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky

3. synonyms: joyous, joyful, blithe, cheerful, merry, contented, gay, blissful, satisfied.

Why I'm FAT & HAPPY...

"FAT" (wealthy; prosperous; rich) with Beauty

A beautiful baby shower given by five of my very best friends - Brooke, Mandy, Nicole, Barbara & Jenn - this past Saturday.

I felt beautiful, the flowers and party decor were beautiful, the food was beautiful and seeing so many people that I love from so many different parts of my life interacting was a beautiful thing to behold. The highlight of the party for me was giving, instead of receiving. I gave unique gifts of gratitude to each of the five hostesses and watched their faces go from anticipation to surprise to glee, and felt each emotion along with them. That was beautiful, too!

"HAPPY" (delighted, pleased or glad...) with Acceptance and Understanding

My Mother and I spent a day of pampering together on Saturday before the baby shower and we enjoyed it very much - me more so than my Mom, I think. I am learning so much about my Mother these days. I am watching and listening and experiencing her from a place of acceptance instead of scrutiny. We are very different from one another and I've always been pretty alright with that, but for some reason on Saturday I saw so many new things about my Mother. She doesn't really like a whole lot of fuss made over her, and is accepting of herself as she is. She doesn't really enjoy the spontaneous chatter from group to group that occurs at a cocktail party, but prefers more intimate, more in-depth conversations. She doesn't really enjoy crowds, and will rise with the sun to enjoy her solitude. But what I learned this weekend is that above all else my Mother can handle any situation thrown at her, whether it is her preference, or not. My Mother is like a butterfly who is beautiful in all her own glory as she was originally made, not meant to be captured and admired for too long before she must fly again on her own and in her own way leaving a lasting impression with any into whose life she has landed.

"FAT" (plump, well-fed; fertile) with Love for my Baby

Rylee Claire is 4 lbs. and 6 oz. with big feet, long legs, active hands and arms and mouth, and her Mother (ME!) is round and rotund and full from pregnancy. As I become more in tune with my unborn child's movements and growth progress, I am realizing how connected I already am with her. I know she is not a morning baby, except when I am hungry and need to eat, as her movements are much stronger just before bedtime. I know she loves her Daddy as when he is near and speaking to me or to her, she is very active and excited. I know she loves to have me sing to her, usually when we are alone in the car. It's amazing how much I love this little girl already. I think often of what she will look like, what her personality will be, and so much more. What an exciting time...

As I celebrate my own FAT & HAPPY time, I wish all of those who are such a special part of this time in my life your very own FAT & HAPPY!!

20 Things About My 29th Year

1. I had my first-ever hospital stay, which included my first-ever blood clot, and I learned what I do not want in a doctor!

2. For the first time in a long time, I felt helpless without my Mommie...until she came running to be by my side.

3. I really learned that God has plans for you and that He laughs in the face of the plans you make for yourself.

4. Patience is more than a virtue both when you're expecting something wonderful to happen (getting pregnant) and when you're supporting a loved one as they watch their parent pass away.

5. No matter what the relationship, there is always a void when a parent dies.

6. I appreciate my parents and grandparents (both living and deceased) so much more now that I'm going to be a parent.

7. Facebook is the bomb!

8. Time is precious, and one must always use it wisely.

9. My Husband is constantly showing me that he's one of the strongest, most wonderful people I've ever met, but in my 29th year he really showed the kind of man he is; I am in awe.

10. Just because it's called the "Ritz" and it's in New York, that doesn't mean it's the best.

11. Walking on the streets of New York alone, is one of the most invigorating feelings I've ever had.

12. I have been to paradise - it's called Staniel Cay, Bahamas - and we really can live without the Internet or cell phones or TV.

13. I can feel free and independent behind the wheel of a rental car or jetting through several airports, as I travel through four states in less than four days.

14. I am enamored with the military, especially those men and women I experienced at the Naval Academy in Annapolis who believe wholeheartedly in so many great traditions.

15. I felt, once again, the extreme pride of walking across a stage to accept a handshake of congratulations and a diploma signifying the end of yet another awesome educational experience.

16. I pushed myself physically with the assistance of a great personal trainer and several co-workers, and felt stronger physically than since I was in high school. That strength felt better than I ever felt getting on a scale and merely seeing the digits drop.

17. I raised several hundred thousand dollars for SMU's business school, which is my job, but more importantly I know there are people whom I will never meet that will benefit from the work I have done and that is my driving force.

18. I have gotten so much better with my New Year's Resolutions - flexibility and acceptance.

19. After my first taste of a cappucinno at a small Italian bistro in New York, I knew I was in love with both the hot foamy liquid and the chic feeling of enjoying it!

20. Though my 29th year was full of ups and downs and all arounds, and I would say it was a good year overall, my 30th year is sure to be the best yet!

In remembrance of my Grandad Stratton...

On this sacred day in the Christian faith, I am aware and appreciative of Easter's significance, and I am also thinking of another significant Mann. Elmer Ione "Mann" Stratton was born on April 12, an Aries - honest and bold, today I am remembering my sweet Grandad.

I remember:

His easy smile that lit up his eyes...

That rumbly laugh that shook that roly-poly belly of his...

His gentle nature...

His ability to make my Mother feel better no matter what...

His love of family...

His interest in things with a history and a story, from his flea market to his antiques...

Our shared love of photographs and ability to keep special things for years...

The old pipe smoke smell that always permeated his path, a smell that still to this day makes me happy...

His talents, from music to languages to history...

Our shared birthday month and experience as only children of strong Mothers...

I never saw my Grandad angry, but I saw him upset a time or two, and I will never forget how deeply he felt his emotions...

His ability to be completely content sitting at his antique desk, looking at family photos, reading, or just gazing out the window...

I know my Grandad is in Heaven watching over us now and I hope he knows that I am always thinking of him, the undeniable love he gave my sweet Mother, and those last words of instruction he gave me before he left us. Words that show that even in the end, once a Father, always a Father. He said simply,

"Be a good girl and look after your Mother." Well, I'm doing my very best, Grandad.

With love, Stinker

A book called "The Prophet" written by Kahlil Gibram has become my little handbook on life. The words are so intentional and instructional and true, and every time I read the passages I find new meaning in the wisdom there. Here, just a few of the many, great pieces of advice and insight from "The Prophet."

(Thank you, Barbara, for introducing me to this amazing little book that has done some big things in my life.)

On Love... "When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God." And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."

On Marriage... "You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

On Children... "Your children are not your children.They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you."

On Joy & Sorrow... "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

On Friendship... "And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."

On Reason & Passion... "Rest in Reason; Move in Passion."

My how things change...

Although I feel like the fundamentals of who I am are constant and never-changing, I do notice that I have evolved since my younger years.

Take my food preferences, for example, when I was a kid, there were many things I wouldn't eat that I know crave and enjoy very much. One example of that is mustard, good 'ole plain, yellow mustard. I can eat it alone on bread now. Another example would be Ranch dressing. Anything that resembled creamy dressings used to turn my stomach, it was all vinegar-based dressings for me as a kid. I would say my horizons have been broadened and there are very few things I will not eat. Maybe that's because of maturity and experience, but I think it's also because my chef husband has shown me how good so many of these "off limits" food items are prepared in his own special way. I think of corned beef and cabbage as an example. As I sat enjoying this typical Irish feast last night after my husband had literally served me as I sat atop a pillow on the couch, I remembered a time when someone would just say the word "cabbage" and I would squirm. Now, I love cabbage. I think this openness and ability to change makes us resilient. Not just with food, but with people and places and things.

There was a time when I was much more selfish and had just the right amount of spoiling to be bratty at times while also being skillfully able to charm anyone I needed to. I may be wrong about this, but I would say the latter is more in play now than the former. That brat of yesterday can really only be seen by my husband, mother and grandparents as they are the ones who still insist on spoiling me!

Nowadays I would say I am much more gentle with people and their varying opinions, even though I find my opinions tend to be the minority in the typical circles I move in from day-to-day, but that is refreshing. I like to be challenged, even when it's on something I feel very strongly about. I guess that's another way I have changed; I am completely comfortable speaking my mind while also knowing when it is the right time and place.

Lastly, I have a different sense of what's most important in my life than ever before. My time and energy are precious and I refuse to expend much of either on anything that I feel is petty or unworthy - this being certain activities and certain people. As harsh as that might sound, that is just me speaking my mind and standing firm on that foundation that is unshakably me. As I continue to understand who I am, it is also nice to be able to acknowledge the small and not-so-simple changes that have occurred. As I am becoming more of a woman, wife, daughter, friend, professional and soon-to-be mother, I enjoy examining all of these things about myself - the why's and how's - because I think it is important to living a better, fuller, more enjoyable life.

I heard a song this morning on the radio on my way into work that truly touched my heart. Whether it be the hormones, or lack of sleep or just the truth and easy relatability of the words, this song makes me think of my husband and my baby girl and the journey we are on and are about to experience when she arrives. Thought I would share the lyrics to this song here. Please go to YouTube to listen to it with the music, too as it's a great song.

It Won't Be Like This For Long, by Darius Rucker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at_lUnFjXg8

He didn't have to wake up

He'd been up all nite

Lay'n there in bed listen'n

To his new born baby cry

He makes a pot of coffee

He splashes water on his face

His wife gives him a kiss and says

It's gonna be OK

It won't be like this for long

One day soon we'll look back laugh'n

At the week we brought her home

This phase is gonna fly by

So baby just hold on

It won't be like this for long

Four years later 'bout four thirty

She's crawling in their bed

And when he drops her off at preschool

She's clinging to his leg

The teacher peels her off of him

He says what can I do

She says now don't you worry

This will only last a week or two

It won't be like this for long

Someday soon you'll drop her off

And she won't even know you're gone

This phase is gonna fly by

If you can just hold on

It won't be like this for long

One day soon she'll be a teenager

And at times he'll think she hates him

Then he'll walk her down the aisle

And he'll raise her veil

But right now she's up and cry'n

And the truth is that he don't mind

As he kisses her good night

And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her

Till her eyes are finally closed

And just watch'n her it breaks his heart

'Cause he already knows

It won't be like this for long

One day soon that little girl is gonna be

All grown up and gone

Yeah this phase is gonna fly by

He's try'n to hold on

It won't be like this for long

It won't be like this for long

There are many perks of working on a college campus, least of all the energy and excitement one feels on beautiful days like today. But I discovered a brand new perk while returning from picking up lunch today. I was in my car stopped in front of the student center where activity was bustling. I was waiting to get around a construction vehicle when I felt someone looking at me. I turned to my right and there sitting on a bench looking very leisurely and self-assured was a young man on a cell phone. He was talking to someone while staring and smiling AT ME!?! I was tempted to look behind me for another target of his attention to make sure I wasn't seeing things, but then he winked. Woah, that was a feeling I haven't felt in a while. I grinned to myself for several reasons as I began to drive off: one, what a nice compliment even if it was fron a cocky 20-something college guy; two, if he only knew I was smuggling a soccer ball beneath my top just low enough in the car where he couldn't see; three, how crazy it is to be so flattered to be looked and winked at by a complete stranger. Oh well, I'll take it and enjoy my beautiful day, my bright, shiny mood and my little secret compliment.

Footlongs, Sweet Tea & Ice Cream

I've expanded on my earlier craving of Peanut Butter and I'm now on to sandwiches of just about any kind, (the more sauces the better) good 'ole southern sweet iced tea and, of course, ice cream!

I dream of fluffy white bread or warm Italian bread slathered in mayo, drizzled with vinegar, sprinkled with salt & pepper and then filled with meats, cheese, lettuce and tomato. Maybe this first craving is because sandwiches, though filling and delicious, don't have a distinct aroma. It seems the stronger the aroma of a food (Italian and Mexican come to mind), the harder it is for me to want to eat it. As for the sweet tea, well I come by that honest as it's a staple in my Grandmother's kitchen. I feel indulgent sipping on this refreshingly wet and sinfully sweet beverage. I even allow myself to drink it with caffeine sometimes just because they serve a serious sweet tea here in the student center at SMU where I work and it's not decaf. And my precious Blue Bell Moo-lennium Crunch ice cream...there are few words to describe the thrill it brings me. Vanille ice cream with all kinds of nuts and specks of toffee - YUM-MEE!! It's my favorite ice cream of all time and now I have my Husband hooked, too.

So, as you can see food has become so much more than something simply to sustain my body and help my baby grow; it has become a bit of an obsession and I'm o.k. with that.

A Moment from Our Cravings Sponsors

Peanut Butter & Peach Jelly on Mrs. Baird's white bread in the morning

Veggie Soup and a big sandwich with lots of meat and cheese for lunch

A sensible piece of fruit for an afternoon snack

Dinner is just a means to an end - to get to the Blue Bell vanilla ice cream for dessert.

My days and nights are filled with cravings. Many times I give in to them and other times it just doesn't make sense. Like yesterday, for example, I wanted the freshest smattering of sushi slathered in soy sauce that I could sink my teeth into. Volcano roll, Dynamite roll, Sexy roll, good 'ole Spicy Tuna roll...

Doesn't make much sense to have that when most of the sushi I love is raw!

Above all else, I have been craving peanut butter. Luckily I had two jars at home BEFORE the salmonella or ecoli scare from peanut butter started. But if I run out, I'm in trouble! I'm also all about the big sandwich with the soft white bread, lots of veggies and meat and cheese. YUM! Luckily, I'm enjoying fruits and veggies, too, but that is a complete accident.

In Love...

I find myself taking a second glance when I see myself in mirrors or in glass doors when I pass by them. I hardly recognize myself these days and yet it feels as though this has always been meant for me. My body is changing rapidly with hips widening, belly rounding out and breasts expanding, but somehow it all feels just right. I am very comfortable in this moment in my pregnancy; I even venture to say I feel beautiful. I am not self-conscious, or irritated by these changes, I am in awe of them. There's a sparkle in my eye as though I have a secret, a really great secret only I can know. There's a spring in my step and a sing-song to my laughter that even surprises me when I hear it! I am in love with my pregnancy and I am so, very excited about my baby girl.

Sanguine

Cheerfully optimistic or confident

What a great word - sanguine! I am feeling sanguine these days because I am alive, healthy, happy, loved and expecting a beautiful baby daughter. I have plans with friends this weekend, I love my job and everything that goes with it, my family is doing well and I adore my husband. Amazingly I can still feel sanguine even after a week of not sleeping much. It seems God or fate or something else is trying to prepare me for the sleeplessness to come. It's as though the universe is whispering in my ear each night, "This is nothing, sweetheart, just wait until that baby arrives." Monday night was a no sleeper for reasons I will not divulge, Tuesday was alright but between having a head cold that worsens when I lie down and the frequent restroom breaks every two to three hours no night is restful, and then there was last night. I didn't go to sleep until 11 p.m. and then at 2 a.m. my dog, Yankee, began barking at what seemed like the front door. My dogs don't typically bark, especially at this hour, unless there's a good reason. So, Greg let them outside, and that didn't work, he checked the house for a security breach and that wasn't it, and the barking continued intermittently until 5:30 a.m. I didn't even get angry about it, I just laid there with my eyes closed trying to think good thoughts. I figured at least I was in my bed resting, and that will be the biggest difference between now and this summer when little Rylee is dictating my sleeping habits. Greg, on the other hand, was not happy. He grumpily stated this morning that he would not be meeting me a the gym today as we'd discussed the night before because of his "bad sleep."

So, sleep or no sleep...I'm sanguine all the same.

Broken Open

As an eternal optimist I am always looking for ways to turn something sad, tragic or unfair into something positive. I have also been seeking the counsel lately of those who can help me see the opportunity in hard times. So, in keeping with this recent theme I came across an episode of Oprah (one of my life gurus) yesterday and the show was about spirituality and a book called "Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow" by Elizabeth Lesser. Lesser speaks of choosing a life path when you've been through something difficult that helps you understand why the pain has happened and what can be learned from the pain. Lesser uses the analogy of a rosebud who may either stay tightened and eventually wither and fall off the stem or of a rose who blossoms with each of life's lessons to bask in the rays of the sun and be refreshed by the drops rain. To be like the latter we must grow in difficult times and do our best not to allow difficult things to harden us. So, as my petals begin to relax and bend to the sun and rain from the recent challenges I have experienced, I feel I am to be broken open, but never broken to pieces.

(Note: I intended to share some of the unfortunate difficulties that are leading me to this place of understanding expressed in this blog posting, but I decided it best to move through those things quietly and peacefully. Thanks to all of you who have been such a huge support over the last couple of weeks, and please know I am doing well.)