I feel like I'm already there...

This morning a co-worker brought in a hot breakfast for all of the staff-crisp bacon, fluffy scrambled eggs, buttermilk biscuits and cheesy hashbrowns. As the smell made its way down the hall from the kitchen to my office, I began to feel like I was already there.

"There" is in bed in the morning at my grandmother's house. Country sausage crackling in the skillet, eggs being whipped up in the mixing bowl, homemade biscuits rising in the oven, cream gravy soon to follow...a little bit of heaven right here on Earth. My grandmother loves to cook. She uses her knack for flavors and creations in the kitchen to show her love. Cooking is one of the few joys that she feels truly, truly good at. All my life, I have eaten my grandmother's food and felt the love in every bite of her food and in every sip of that Southern sweet tea.

I head to Houston next Friday to spend some time with my grandmother who, in honor of my visit, will undoubtedly bake something sweet and sinful, cook up something hearty and tasty and feed me until I am headed home again, feeling loved and fulfilled. I feel like I'm already there...

Doesn't this photo speak a thousand words?

Sun, Fun, Beach, Sand, Pool, Relaxation, Heat, Tan, Friends, Cabo...

Ahhhh...I could go on and on.

A wonderful four days with nine lovely ladies that truly know the spirit of fun, friendship and working together to have a great vacation.

Aside from traveling in pure class and style, gifts all around, the beautiful view and the outstanding accommodations, we also enjoyed the utmost service from two very attentive concierges (Victor and Eton we will never forget you!!) and a very happy housekeeper. It was more than we could ever have hoped for and I am now officially spoiled against a vacation that is any less of wonderful.

Looking forward to the next tropical haven vacation!!!!

Sand and Sun, Beach and Fun!

Cabo, here I come!!!

See ya next week!!

Team Work and Strawberry Soup

What do team work and Strawberry Soup have in common?

Last night, my husband cooked, as he does a couple times each week, for his moonlighting gig. He made the usual tomato basil soup (a fan favorite) and a yummy Greek chicken salad. Then he proceeded to concoct one of the yummiest things I've ever eaten. It was cool and sweet, a little bit tart and creamy and it was the perfect blend of flavors...Summer Strawberry Soup!!

My husband is the most creative, most hard-working person I know. He works more than a full day's work then comes home to make food for his second job and many times follows up with menu planning for his third job all while managing our personal finances our handy work around the house and the yard, as well as handling all of his own laundry and dry cleaning. Granted most of this extra work-work leads back to his passions as a professional chef, but it is still all hard work.

At times I feel as though I have little to offer my husband when it comes to these work endeavors. I DO NOT cook, I can hardly read a recipe (fold in versus whisk?? who knows!) and I don't know much about the restaurant industry. But my husband has found a way for us to be a team no matter what. That has always been his wish-for he and I to be a strong team together. So, what do I do to help? I clean dishes, I pull things out of the cupboard for him, wrap food in cellophane, cut strawberries, write down all of his original recipes and act as the official Taster. In the meantime, I am beginning to learn so much more about food. I am also growing more and more respect for the artform that my husband practicies and strives to master. (I think he already masters it, but he would disagree!!)

So, what does Strawberry Soup have to do with team work? Very little. But I just had to tell you about that yummy concoction and it made for such a nice title, didn't it? :0)

"Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." -Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

I have written about the Four Agreements many times and I even have them hanging in my office so that I can see them at any time so as not to lose sight of them. This (above) is agreement number three and, for me, it can be the most difficult one to live by.

Last night I had a reality check involving this very agreement when I was confronted with the insults of someone that is part of my family by marriage, but whom I do not consider family. I handled it well at the time, thinking that she was obviously affected by her overindulgence in scotch and that I really had nothing to say to her in response as her words were so off-base and ridiculous. But after the situation ended, I was torn up about it. I kept hearing her words over and over again in my head, thinking how incredibly rude she was and how completely out of line she was and I was even defending myself in my mind. Drunk, or not, it was uncalled for. So, I did what any grown, adult woman would do when faced with this type of turmoil...I called my Mommie. :0)

My Mom was very supportive. She got just as mad and upset as I was and made me feel better simply through her sympathy. She even wanted to take action in response. I was tempted to allow that to happen and then thought better of it. Though taking action would probably make me feel better at first, probably a lot better, it wouldn't change the fact that what this person said and how she feels toward me can only affect me if I allow it to. What reality looks like in her world is not at all what it's like in my world, but I can't change someone else's reality, especially when they've not been willing to try and get the story straight from the beginning. So, I told my Mom that I thought it best to let it go. Allow the other person to wake up this morning feeling whatever she was going to feel without either of us playing a part in it. A tough choice, but the right one.

Later, as I lay in bed last night trying desperately to go to sleep the words were again running through my mind and I was playing out a scene where I was able to respond honestly and heatedly toward my verbal attacker. After several minutes, I suddenly closed my eyes and prayed. I prayed and asked God to please help me be at peace with this situation. I prayed that I would sleep and wake renewed knowing this was not something I should take personally and I prayed that my mind would stop racing. Not five minutes later I was asleep, having not thought once more about it.

Moral of the Story: The agreements are valid and useful and necessary, but, at the end of the day when you're all alone in that place in your mind that no one else can see or hear, I must have the help of God to keep those essential agreements with myself and to find peace in something so unnerving.

I haven't had much time to sit and reflect this week as I've been busy with work. I notice that when I am busy with work, and the work is somewhat stressful, I don't sleep well, therefore I don't feel as well and I don't take as good care of myself as I should. It's the same cycle that I get into every few weeks, or so.Thankfully, I am able to realize the cycle before I become so over-stressed that I become ill. I got a great night's sleep last night, woke up feeling refreshed and got a lot accomplished at work this morning. At lunch, I went and ran a couple of errands and picked up a yummy sushi lunch, which I am now enjoying as I blog. The fresh sushi lunch is a simple reminder of the week ahead. My week in tranquility, lying by the pool or on the beach, listening to the ocean lull me into relaxation. A week of rest and celebration and no worries. A week in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

I have said many times this week that the anticipation of the trip is almost as much fun as the actual trip. I love thinking about the plans, doing "travel laundry," deciding on the wardrobe options, packing my things, making sure everything is in its place. I enjoy buying a new, steamy beach read, airplance snacks, sun screen and travel size toiletries. I have always enjoyed traveling, getting away and seeing something new and different. It renews your sense of self, centers you and reminds you of your sense of home. So, as I look forward to five days in paradise with some of my closest friends, I think of how wonderful my time there will be and I think of how much better I will feel when I return home, as well.

Interesting thoughts for the day...

A clear conscience is often a sign of a bad memory.

Winners do what losers don't want to do.

When you get to thinking you are really important, try giving orders to your/your friend's cat.

If you speak when you are angry, you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

Love your enemies-it makes them furious.

The one who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.

Never cut what can be untied.

Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Old Friend

Last week I received a phone call from a blast from my past. A girl that I was connected at the hip with all through high school. She was my very best friend for so long. We shared everything. Once in college, we remained friends, but she stayed in Houston while I went away to school in Dallas. She visited me there and I spent as much time as possible with her when I was home in Houston for summers and other vacations. But before long, we drifted apart. I don't remember now why or how, especially the "how" since we were so, very close, but it happened.

Not long after both me and my friend got married (she was married on Oct 18 and I on Oct 25 of 2003), my friend and I began e-mailing. About a year later, I saw my friend for the first time in years. She was about five months pregnant, I believe, and I was overjoyed to be with her again. We laughed and caught up. We reminisced and laughed more. It was a wonderful time. Then we went back to our own lives, we e-mailed occasionally and she sent me pictures of her too cute baby boy. But we didn't reconnect on a regular basis, or even just by phone.

Last week she called me with that old familiar giggle in her voice. She left me a voice message saying she'd heard one of our favorite bands, Aerosmith, on the radio and that it made her think of me. She had to call and tell me how much she misses our carefree times from high school. Times when our hair, make-up and clothing was more important than much else. Times when we didn't have bills to pay. We didn't worry about buying a home, paying taxes or high interest rates. The boys we liked came and went, but our friendships remained always. And as I heard that giggle in my old friend's voice, I could see us there, in that time and place, once again. The car windows down, the radio turned up, arms waving in the air, singing at the top of our lungs...not a care in the world. I was happy and sad at this vision all at once. I miss my friend. I miss those times with her. But I think we can try and have that feeling again together but in a new way and for new reasons.

Safe

A great weekend of relaxation, friends, fun, reading and movies. A weekend of separation from hubby as he was out of town working...good to miss each other and even better to have him back at home with me. It's amazing to me how different it feels just having him at home. When I'm alone, I am super sensitive to sounds and movements around the house. Not so much afraid, as aware and conscious of and sensitive to my surroundings. When my husband is at home, I hardly bother to check to see if the doors are locked at night! I just feel safer when he is with me. There's no amount of money in the world that can buy that feeling; it's the best and it's not easy to come by these days. Thank you, hubby, for making me feel safer. You are my rock and my hero and my security blanket.

Cutting the Ties that Bind

Thank you to all who have helped to untangle me in my life. Please consider this a simple little nudge of gratitude for all that you have done and do every day for me.

"If you read the front page story of the San Francisco Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, as well as a line tugging in her mouth. A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farralone Islands (outside the Golden Gate) and he quickly radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her...a very dangerous proposition. One slap of the tail could kill a rescuer.They worked for hours with careful curved knives, concetrating on her safety and her freedom and eventually they freed her. When she was freed, the divers say the whale swam around in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushing gently around, she thanked them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The rescuer who cut the rope out of the whale's mouth said her eye was following him the whole time, and he will never be the same."

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you. And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.

I'm so...

I'm so fed up with co-workers with bad attitudes who claim to be "team players," but who don't want to actually work.

I'm so irritated by people who think they can get something for nothing, especially when it comes to a charity event when the goal of the event is to raise money!

I'm so frightened by rude drivers who actually shoot you the finger and have you scared that you may be a victim of Road Rage, making you want to stay safe in your own little home with the doors locked.

I'm so sick of high-priced gas and low-priced cigarettes.

I'm so numbed by the deaths of our military men and women in Iraq and the sadness felt by their family and my thoughts that I really don't know why they are there and why they must die.

I'm so sure...sweating in May?!

I'm so frustrated by not having time for myself, not making time for myself and making excuses.

I'm so over Monday's.

I spent the last four days with my husband's raucous family. Three of them were visiting from New York and the rest visited us Saturday and Sunday from a suburb of the Metroplex where they all live. We ate, drank, laughed, hollared and laughed some more, and I returned to work today happy, tired and with a sore throat from competing with these booming voices and personalities. It was a great time.

On Mother's Day, I had several mothers in my home. It was a special time for me and my husband to shower family and close friends with love and care and lots of yummy food. Hubby made a mean spread of viddles that everyone truly enjoyed. But even with all of the excitement and fun and people around me, something was missing.

My Mother was in Houston for Mother's Day...staying home and enjoying her time alone as the rain poured down outside her window. My Mother was missing from the crazy scene at my house on Sunday. I felt sad not to have her with me, but today, after reading the words on her blog (www.miaspeaks.blogspot.com), I feel so much better. I learned that Mother's Day is just as much about the women who touched her life as they are about my being her daughter.

Thank you, Mom, for your fantastic words about the exceptional women in your life who have touched me in so many ways, as well.

Baba, Granny Doris, Grandma Helen and Zelma...what a remarkable group of unique, charismatic characters. I also thankful for all of you for what you have been and still are to my Mother. You all make Mother's Day extra, extra special for both of us.

I Have An Obsession

That obsession is with photos and mementos of my life. I have a whole walk-in closet in my home dedicated to these items that detail my life and pieces of the lives of others. I have stacks of photos and mementos waiting to be placed in the appropriate photo album based on the year of the memory. I stress out when I come across a photo from a year passed and I can't decipher when it was taken. I have three on-line photo company accounts of my own photos and those from friends' collections that I can order at any time for my albums or to make a photo into a card, or a coffee mug or make multiple photos into a calendar. I love everything that has to do with photos including cameras, frames, mattes and albums. I am a photo geek.

But I really think this obsession is more about reminiscing than it is about the photo taking, developing and keepsaking process. I love to look back and remember how things were, how people looked and what all happened. I think this is because I have had an extraordinarily happy life. My life hasn't been necessarily extraordinary by the definition of the word, but it has been an extremely happy life 99% of the time.

These photos and mementos remind me of who I am, who I was and maybe even who I don't want to be. They remind me of good times, bad times and strange times. I have photos dating back to my great, great, great, great ancestors and I have photos from last week. My photos and mementos make me feel real and human and mortal. They tell me that one day my own great, great, great, great grandchildren will look back at my photos (the thousands that there are) and remember me and know that somehow, in some way, I am a part of them. They will know that everything is related and linked.

My obsession is as much about the past and present as it is about the future. A moment, captured, that speaks a million words to a future generation. May we all have such an obsession.

I'm a big Copy Cat! I love quizes and I saw this on my good friend's blog and had to copy her!! Have fun!!

Take My Quiz - on - QuizYourFriends.com!

So much to post today...

Over the weekend I attended a women's church retreat with three of my friends. It was a great time of sharing and listening. I felt surrounded by love and prayer and it was an amazing feeling. One of the many things I took away from the retreat was this scripture, my new favorite scripture:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

This scripture made me cry when I first read it and these words were the theme, if you will, of the whole retreat. When I heard the speakers say these words, tears would come to my eyes again and again. This is probably one of the most loving passages in the Bible, but it is also one of the toughest to truly, completely believe in at times of trouble. I will hold this close to my heart, post it where I can see it always, and believe in the words, no matter what.

There were many things said and sung at the retreat that hit home with me, but one particular testimonial grabbed my heart and soul and made me sit up and listen.

This testimonial was about perfection-the need to feel that everything is perfect, for yourself and everything around you, to try and fill a void within. You look just right, you do everything just so, you marry the right man and have the right friends and the right job, but you still can't fill the void. Then, one day, you find yourself so overwhelmed by your perfectionism that you look for something to numb that craving for perfection. Maybe that something is alcohol or pills, maybe it's food or trying to remain so busy that you don't think, but it's something to keep you from dealing with your real thoughts and feelings and something to fill the void that only God can fill. When this woman, this brave, strong woman, got up and told her story, I saw myself in her and then I lost it! I knew that this was God speaking to me, showing me that I can make changes now so as not to get overwhelmed by having to have everything perfect, because there is no such thing as perfection and that's so alright.

I am perfect in God's eyes and as soon as I can remember that in the whirlwind that is my life, I will be able to move through the crazy times.

What a wonderful time on Friday and Saturday. I am so thankful to my friends who joined me at this retreat. I think each of them felt touched by something over those two days, and I probably would not have gone to the retreat without them. I am also very thankful for Fellowship Church. How different my life would be without the words, the messages and the people there.

P1641:4, 146:3.2
The apostles were a bit disconcerted by the open manner of Jesus' assent to many of the Greek's propositions, but Jesus afterward privately said to them: "My children, marvel not that I was tolerant of the Greek's philosophy. True and genuine inward certainty does not in the least fear outward analysis, nor does truth resent honest criticism. You should never forget that intolerance is the mask covering up the entertainment of secret doubts as to the trueness of one's belief. No man is at any time disturbed by his neighbor's attitude when he has perfect confidence in the truth of that which he wholeheartedly believes. Courage is the confidence of thoroughgoing honesty about those things which one professes to believe. Sincere men are unafraid of the critical examination of their true convictions and noble ideals."

I had a conversation with a close friend the other day about another friend who has spoken against my church of choice and, specifically, the senior pastor of my church. In reading this passage my close friend sent to me after our discussion, the passage really helped me understand that his criticism is really not my concern. It is his prerogative to have his own opinion, but it shows that he is somewhat insecure in his own beliefs that he must doubt and speak against my beliefs, my church and my pastor. I've noticed more and more that when I have questions, and things are tough for me, there is usually always a scripture that can help me through it. This is just one more perfect example. There is no need for me to be afraid, or defensive, of the critical examination of my convictions and noble ideals, for I am sincere in my faith and my beliefs.

We Found It In the City

Something happens to you when you move to the suburbs.

I'm not sure how or why, but you begin to feel more secure in some ways. You are no longer a little bit scared to go to the grocery store at night by yourself. You no longer look both ways to cross the street and you don't hear traffic and screeching tires outside your window while you sleep. But all of this is just space and time between the bright lights of the city.

A more key element of living in the suburbs is that one definitely becomes more maternal. Following the big move, if it hasn't already, the little family begins to emerge. The Tyco plastic swing is hung on the brand new tree in the front yard; you start to see having a pool and a white picket fence as truly possible and "fun for the kids;" and you join play groups with other full-time mom's.

Why does this happen? Well, I think part of it is human nature to try and fit in where we are. When you're in the city, people wait to have children or they have cool kids with unestablished nap times and active parents who go out on real dates every weekend.-people who have babysitters instead of nannies. Life is just different, especially family life.

Now, just for the record, I'm not knocking either way of life...just examining them. I find the subtle differences interesting.

We were thinking about moving to the 'burbs a couple of years ago, mostly because we owned a new home and loved the idea of moving into a bigger, better new home in an area with good schools for a price that the city just couldn't compete with. What changed our minds?

We love the sound of birds chirping and the shade of the old, mature trees in our older neighborhood. We love the diversity of young, old and everything in between in our neighborhood. We love the short drive to see friends, eat really delicious food, watch pro hockey games and pick-up refreshments at a liquor store (most 'burbs are dry areas in Texas). But most of all, I think we both grew up in the city-me Houston, him New York-and it's really hard to leave it.

We are lucky. We don't have to drive 45 minutes to feel that maternal feeling, (we have several of those Tyco plastic swings hanging on trees in our neighborhood!), or live in a neighborhood with good schools and have the American dream. We found it in the city.

Something I wanted to blog about today is the fact that I am finished with my class for this semester-the required writing course. This is the class that I complained about before starting it back in December and then complained about all through the semester. Well, as I sat filling out my course evaluation last night I realized that I was giving the class and the professor really high marks, and I sat back and asked myself, "How can I be giving high marks for this class when I've been complaining the ENTIRE time!?"

I know why...because the class and the professor have really challenged me. The class and the assignments have made me think and made me work hard and then it still wasn't perfect work, and all of that has shown me where I have room for improvement. It's not always fun to see that you have room for improvement, but it is necessary. So, although I am truly glad the class is over, I have learned the lesson: Sometimes when you don't like something, or someone, it can be just as much about yourself as it is about what you don't like.

Have a great weekend!!!

Spoke with hubby last night about blogging and how it has become a bit of an obligation for me. I also feel like it's somewhat narcissistic-always going on-line to write about yourself and what you do expecting others to be so interested in what you have to say. But hubby made a good point: it's a good way for other people who are far away to keep in touch and find out how you're doing. He says people really read my blog.

I can accept that. Before the blog I would send out life updates via e-mail to family and friends who live far away. This isn't that different except that I sometimes tackle things that annoy or interest me, share a quote that I like or that has struck me and those things also say a lot about what's going on with me and how I'm doing.

Maybe I'm just going through a slump in my blogging mind. I began a new personal journal last night as part of my birthday gift to myself and I really want to delve into things personally that I would never post on a blog. So, maybe it's also that I feel a bit violated now after Scary Blog Crasher posted a comment a week or so ago. I mean, I'm not stupid, I know many people that don't know me can access this site easily, but I never thought I would have to face those people. It has wigged me out.

I'll get over it, though. Most things don't stick with me for long. I don't carry a grudge or an ill will. I will eventually get over the Scary Blog Crasher and I will get over this sense of narcissism and obligation; it just may take a little while. Until then, you may just have to put up with my stream of consciousness posts, such as this!

It's funny how you can merely leave your own city and realize how beautiful a place only 200 miles away is. Hubby and I visited Austin this past Saturday and I was amazed at the lakes and hills and trees and overall beauty of the area we were in for a very short time. We will visit again soon.

Yesterday was a special day for me as 27 years ago I was brought into this world. Hubby and I celebrated with a fabulous, decadent dinner prepared by my most talented chef of a husband. I can't even begin to explain the melding of wonderful flavors. It was more than I could ever have asked for. I am so, so, so lucky to be married to a man with such talent that he is willing to share with me. YUM!!

Dinner is served (above). The photo's a bit blurry, but you can see the fried goat cheese and wasabi wontons aside the exquisite almond encrusted halibut, which is atop soba noodles with mushrooms and cucumber slices flavored with soy, ginger, cilantro and many other wonderful tastes. I'm sure my husband will freak at my forgetting some of the ingredients, but, man, I was too excited and ready to eat as we talked about it. It was fantastic!!!

All-in-all my 27th year started off quite well. I have a feeling this will be an age of exciting new beginnings and the betterment of some things old. Thanks to all of you who have made sure my birthday month was extra, extra special-especially my generous, loving husband. :0)