If I told you some of the things I experienced over the last week and weekend you might not believe me, but I'll tell ya anyway.

First, I have had several run-ins with one of my least favorite of God's creatures-Possums!! I had a scary experience with one as a child out on my aunt and uncle's farm and I've disliked (putting it lightly) those damn things ever since. Well, I came upon one when driving through my back alley last week on the way to work and, instead of being scared off by my presence, it, instead, stood its ground, opened its big jaws showing its many sharp teeth and hissed terribly at me. I was horrified!! Then, on my way home from school one night last week, I saw a Possum dart around on the side of the road, and I cringed. To top off these lovely run-ins, I was sitting at a friend's house on Friday night and told her about my fears and my run-ins with these varmants and she couldn't believe I was saying this because she has TWO Possums that visit her backyard regularly. And, of course, they chose to "visit" while we were sitting at the table chatting. They are beady-eyed, scary characters and I really don't know what purpose they serve, except to torture me!!

Let's fast forward to Saturday...I was out and about shopping, excited about the small bonus check I'd received on Friday, and I had no idea how treacherous this outing would be until I stepped out of my car into the mall parking lot to head into the mall. As I did this, my car door literally almost came off the hinges, my hair was yanked completely up off my head into the air and I had to grab hold of the car not to topple over. The wind factor here on Saturday was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. Here I am, all dressed in jeans and heels with my hair and make-up complete (what girl doesn't want to look cute when she's trying on clothes??) and I am being whipped around by this extreme wind! I was quite a sight, I'm sure. On the way back to the car after purchasing a few items, the wind was so strong that it literally picked up my shopping bags and plastered them to the back of my head. Not kidding...but I wouldn't let it stop me. I purchased several new items that I am now proud to sport around town. No whipping wind is going to get me down.

Now it's Saturday evening. Greg and I are wanting to try something new for dinner. So, we hop in the car just the two of us and head to a Greek restaurant that Greg has been wanting me to try. I am really excited about it as it's something new and I love Greek food. I imagine dim lighting, candles, Mediterranen music and mystical romance. We get there and it's not quite what I had imagined-the wrought iron gate you enter at the front was about as Mediterranean as it gets-but it seems alright, even when we realize it is a Greek restaurant and "club" complete with dj and dance floor. As we sit down at our table, any reservations we might have are put to rest when we see that happy hour will provide $3.00 drinks for another half hour. We are sipping our cheap beers when the dj begins introducing three lovely ladies dressed in sequins and sheers...they are real, live belly dancers!! Their outfits merely cover their breasts and a small portion of their hips, with everything else exposed. They dance with swords in their mouths, lit candles on their heads and the whole thing. Wow, how we weren't expecting this!! It was fun entertainment...until the dancers came out into the crowd and danced on tables and booths for tips!! Whoa, Nelly. Definitely more than we bargained for so we quickly ate, drank up and exited. We didn't want to spend one more minute trying to avoid eye contact with the belly dancers so that we could avoid their advances for cash. We barely escaped their attention before we could get out of there.

So, between the Possums, the treacherous winds and the belly dancers, it was quite a week/weekend! But, above all, it was a great time with good friends, near and far (Friday), time alone (Saturday) and time with Hubby. We worked really hard out in the yard all day on Sunday and I feel great about our progress. And I must say, I am getting pretty good with the rake and the leaf-blower!!

Hope your coming week and weekend is filled with surprises and excitement, as well.

I find that keeping things simple usually means they are most enjoyable. Yesterday was Valentine's Day and although my husband and I aren't huge fans of this commercialized holiday, we participate in our own way. Neither of us needs all of the chocolates, flowers and grand gestures to show and feel love. We simply exchanged cards-mine was laying in the seat of my car as I got in it to come to work, his was given to him over dinner at home later in the evening. We met for a quick lunch at work, complimented each other with a smile and then reminded one another over e-mail that every day is Valentine's Day for us. (wink, wink...grin, grin) I must say, this may have been one of the best Valentine's Days ever. We didn't stress about it. We didn't spend money that could be better used elsewhere. We simply enjoyed our day and our evening. When we got home from work, Greg made a fire for us to enjoy while we had dinner together and then while we enjoyed some of our favorite TV shows while snuggled up on the couch with the dogs at our feet. It was the perfect evening.

Makes me say Happy Valentine's Day...every day!

My Favorite Song as of Late

I love the beat and Gnarls' voice, but when I really listen to the words, I realize why this song really resonates with me. He sings about losing your mind, thinking you're in control when you're so not, knowing too much for your own good. My favorite part of the song is highlighted in purple. So many days, we make ourselves crazy with trying to be in control and "know it all." I know I do. And once we lose it, we somehow feel a little better. This song makes me feel better, validated, and it makes me want to dance and sing and let it go.

Gnarls Barkley, "Crazy"

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind

There was something so pleasant about that place.

Even your emotions had an echo

In so much space

And when you're out there

Without care, Yeah, I was out of touch

But it wasn't because I didn't know enough

I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy

Does that make me crazy

Does that make me crazy

Probably

And I hope that you are having the time of your life

But think twice, that's my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,

Ha ha ha bless your soul

You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy

I think you're crazy

I think you're crazy

Just like me

My heroes had the heart to

Lose their lives out on a limb

And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them

Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun

And it's no coincidence I've come

And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy

Maybe you're crazy

Maybe we're crazy

Probably

I wish I was...outdoors; with my husband; with my dogs; walking in the park.

I wish I had...more hours in the day; less worries; more will power.

I wish I could...snap my fingers and make all those I love a little happier and healthier.

I wish there were more...springtime days; crisp fall nights; hugs from friends.

Sometimes it sure feels like money could at the very least, ease our stress. Not a whole lotta money, just enough to put one in a "good place." I find that aside from illness and loss of a loved one, money is the root of much stress and frustration in life. And it's typically because you, or someone else, don't have enough of it.

This past weekend was a small lesson in that since at different times throughout the weekend one person would pay for the entire group. Whether it was cab fare, lunch, dinner or drinks, you could tell that most of us were willing to chip in and do our part. Some of us can do more than others, but those of us who can't do as much still contributed. But what really burns me up is those people who think they are entitled. They think they are entitled to someone else's either because that's just who they are, or because they feel as though that person owes them for some reason.

This relates to my first statement because at the end of trip, I was perturbed by the fact that some people didn't pull their own weight while others more than did. I was angry about it and I almost let it invade the great fun I had. Nope, ain't gonna do it, why? Because my happiness should not be measured by other people's actions/lack of action; happiness is measured in memories made, fun shared and gratitude felt. But I will say this, I don't ever want to have that entitlement thing going. It's so unclassy and distasteful!

"If ants are such busy workers, how come they find time to go to all the picnics?"
— Marie Dressler

Thought this quote was a cute way to start this latest blog entry because this ant (me) had quite the picnic this past weekend in NYC. I had a great time with my friends. We stayed in an ultra cool hotel-The Hudson Hotel, we ate at some fabulous restaurants (The Hudson Cafeteria, Cipriani, Buddakan, L'Express, Blue Fin at the W), danced until we thought our feet might fall off, indulged in New York style pizza every night and truly enjoyed one another. I think one of the highlights of this trip for me was spending time with my in-laws on Sunday morning. They came from near and far, by car, bus and train to get together for breakfast. I felt so special that they had all made that effort, and I thoroughly enjoyed our time together. I am so lucky to have the in-laws that I have.

So, now the ant gets back to work. The annual magazine that I am the editor of comes out in April so I am crazy at work on that. It is our 20th anniversary issue, so I want it to be just right, something to be proud of. In the meantime, I have my other monthly, bi-monthly and quarterly publications to crank out, press releases to send to the media for newspaper coverage, web sites to update, etc., etc. School is also in full swing with my first paper due on Wednesday. Work, work, work...until the next picnic in March when I will spend five days in a sandy, sunny paradise with my loving ant husband. Yes, we're busy workers, us ants, but we are only busy at work for a life full of memorable, wonderful picnics!!

What a fun time...

So much good is in the air right now. So much good news, so much to look forward to, so much fun to be had.

I head out this Thursday for yet another fun trip with the girls. It's a bachelorette party for ten of us in New York City!! New York is one of my very favorite cities because it is so alive with excitement and bustling with people. New York seems to me like a wild, old friend with a thunderous, beating heart and a voice as loud as the sea. New York is a great place to be and to feel invigorated.

After returning from New York, I will then begin planning for a trip to Florida in March for a friend's wedding. My husband and I have turned it into a mini vacation to enjoy the sun and the sand as our very own Spring Break. We're both in need of this vacation.

2007 is off to a great start!!

(OK-there have been a couple of minor set-backs for us already in 2007, but I'm trying to remain positive!!)

It's been a rough time for me lately, but I am feeling better.

I was in that state-of-mind where you feel completely overwhelmed by the smallest things. I was to the point that I was annoyed with myself and wanted to get away from myself. As anyone knows, that's not the easiest or healthiest thing to do.

This feeling has been creeping up on me for a while now-months, in fact-and came to a head on Monday. I was literally screaming inside and feeling very anxious and claustrophic. So, what did I do when all of this came on at once? I left the office, called my Mom on my way home and didn't reach her, (thankfully she wasn't at home when I called as I would have vomited all my negativity on her!!), so when I got home I immediately changed into my workout gear and went for a long, quiet walk around my neighborhood. I couldn't even stand to have my ear phones on while I walked because I was so wound up. I just walked and felt the breeze and listened to the trees and the sounds of the world around me. I was cold and tense, but I just kept on walking. Soon my furious walk turned into a calm stroll and my neck and shoulders began to relax. My hands became warmer and my mind became quieter. I have been filling my mind and my time with so much noise and activity that I have missed out on the quiet and the world outside of myself. No wonder I was so overwhelmed and annoyed. It's amazing how doing nothing at all can be as stressful as doing too much. Striking that fine balance is not as easy as we'd like it to be.

I have enjoyed my "me time," walking, reading, time alone with my thoughts and with the world around me, every day this week and don't plan to miss out on this "me time" again as long as I can help it.

"Dreams are only thoughts you didn't have time to think about during the day."

This anonymous quote is an interesting take on dreams. I am a big time dreamer. Psychologists say we all dream, but some of us remember our dreams better than others. I know that I dream every night because I can remember my dreams vividly and can feel their affect on my body and my mind sometimes throughout an entire day afterward. Because of this, I always wonder what my dreams might mean about by subconscious. Sometimes my dreams are very good ones about love and fun things in life. Other times, though it is rare, my dreams are focused on irrational fears like falling out of thin air or running from something unknown. Still in other dreams, I think of something bad happening to someone I love.

In relation to this, I have conversations with my husband about how we each deal with life's stresses differently. He tends to think about life's problems and issues, solutions and plans all during his waking hours, then he sleeps peacefully, while I tend to focus on what's right in front of me in each moment during the daylight hours and then my problems and issues and solutions race through my mind in those quiet hours before sleep. How then, does this way of handling problems, issues and their solutions affect my dreams? I don't think what I lie awake thinking of before sleep is anything like what I dream about, but surely it is related.

If so much of my dreams is made of good stuff-love, intimacy, achievements-then does that mean I don't make enough time during the day to enjoy these parts of my life? Is my subconscious trying to get me to enjoy some of life's most precious and simple gifts more during my waking hours? Could be.

It's funny to me the conversations I find myself having now as a 27-year-old married professional woman and homeowner. My friends and I talk about home improvements, we all get excited when we find that a Home Depot and/or a Lowe's Home Improvement Store is right around the corner from where we live, and we all cringe at the thought of calling a plumber or an electrician or, God forbid, a foundation repair contractor, because we know that means high dollar fixes for major home issues. Funny how life changes in only a short time...

I can remember sitting out on the "Smoke Deck" at the Deeg (that's slang for Delta Gamma house), not smoking myself as I don't and have not ever smoked, talking all day and into the night about beer, boys and bad professors. The worst thing that could happen to us, we thought, was to be called upon in class when we hadn't read the assignment, or to be turned away from a bar for using a fake ID pre-21, or be turned away because we'd already had too much fun at the first bars we'd visited post-21. College days were carefree and, though it didn't seem like it to us then, much easier and clearer. We thought we knew so much, and paid so little attention to anything we didn't know. We experienced heartbreak, but we seemed to snap back from it much easier then. Resilient, I guess, or young enough that we thought life was long from over and why not just get back to the fun and freeing feelings that is part of being young and naive.

Yep, talking about tax returns, electric bills, home repairs and 401(K)s is a long way from college days, but I don't think I would go back to that time now, even if I could, even if it seems so much more delightful than the turmoil these later days can sometimes bring. Because somehow there is peace to be had in the thought that one day, when I'm much, much older than I am today, I will look back at conversations and worries over home repairs, tax returns and electric bills and think how much easier life was when I was 27.

Confessions of a Crazy Lady

Sometimes when I do "crazy" things, my husband will say I am a "Crazy Lady." He is joking, of course. I am not mentally insane or crazy, but it does get me thinking about some of the things I do that make me seem a little less than sane.

Crazy Lady...

1. must "fix" the bed sheet and bedspread before being able to sleep for the night, and yet she does not feel the need to make the bed before she leaves the house every day.

2. can't walk past a piece of artwork on the wall or a knick knack on a table without fixing it, even when these items are not in her own home.

3. owns three lent removing devices because lent is the enemy.

4. has reorganized the master bathroom drawer at least a dozen times since moving into the house two years ago. I think it might finally be "just right."

5. is diligent about throwing away medicine that is even a day past the expiration date on the box.

6. hates it when furniture is out of place, throw pillows are not in their upright positions on the couch, blankets are not folded and purposely tossed on the back of the couch.

7. can't stand to have things strewn about on the tops of cabinets...there's a place for everything and everything should be in its place.

CRAZY LADY!!

"It’s an historic moment for the women of America. It is a moment for which we have waited for over 200 years."

-Nancy Pelosi, on becoming speaker of the House.

A woman, mother and wife, as well as a Democrat...does it get any better than that??

Gifts, Gifts, Gifts

Though I don't want to seem greedy and shallow, I must admit that part of the reason I love Christmas is because of the magical, wonderful giving of gifts!! I don't just love receiving them, though that sure is fun, I also enjoy giving them. Here are some of my favorite gifts both given and received for Christmas 2006.

Given...

1. Donations to two worthwhile charities-The Smile Train and the North Texas Food Bank
What better way to honor the holidays and your loved ones than by helping someone you may never meet.

2. A one-hour introductory flight for someone who is thinking about taking flying lessons
The look on my Hubby's face when he saw this gift was enough of a gift for me...my holidays were complete at that moment.

3. Fancy, sparkly high heel ornaments
I like to find something each year that just grabs me and puts a smile on my face. These little trinkets did just that so I shared them with a few people in my life who also bring a smile to my face.

4. Toys to learn from and use to be creative for all of the nieces and nephews
Part of the reason this was such fun giving is because these gifts were all purchased by my husband. He took the gift list and purchased something for each child that he felt they would like. One gift was a high-flying rocket, another was a jewelry-making kit, a decorate-it-yourself jewelry box and a perfume-making kit. Knowing how much fun he had while picking out these gifts made them extra fun for me.

5. Real Simple Magazine subscriptions
If I love this magazine so much, why wouldn't I share it with those I love??!!

6. Personalized Photo Calendars
Because these are personal and creative, I enjoyed giving these to two people who I feel are also very creative and appreciate the thought of this gift.

Received...

1. George Foreman Grill
After many yummy, healthy meals at a friend's house (Babs), I finally got a Grill all my own and I can't wait to use it!

2. Barnes & Noble Gift Card
I LOVE to read and I LOVE Barnes & Noble, but I typically shy away from the big, expensive book stores and opt for the discount stores. Now I can buy a few indulgences at the big, expensive store without feeling guilty. I actually bought my first book already: Phillippa Gregory's newest novel, "The Boleyn Inheritance." So excited!!!

3. Hand-painted Glass Perfume Bottle
My Mom (aka Santa) and I have a few Christmas traditions that we share. One of them is for her to give me one gift every year that I can "keep forever." My beautiful gift this year is a wonderful addition to my special "Forever Collection."

4. Multi-colored Sharpies
I admit it, I get really excited about office supplies-paper, pens, folders, notebooks, etc. But these Sharpies are not only in a collection of 20 colors, they are also the perfect point. They are exactly what I needed for my scrapbooking and I am super excited to have them!!

5. Monogrammed beach bag, linen napkins and decorative throw pillow
I have a weakness for anything monogrammed and I received three different monogrammed gifts from three different people and each monogram is different. The bag has my initials (LCO), the napkins have simply our last initial (O) and the pillow has my Hubby and me's first initial with our last (GLO). So Awesome!

6. Cashmere Gloves
These gloves, so soft and wonderful, make me feel a spoiled and every girl needs to feel that now and again.

7. Real Simple Party Planning Book
Anyone who knows me, knows I love "Real Simple" Magazine. Issues lay all over our house, articles are torn out and filed and ideas are put away in my mind and remembered at just the right times. That's why this book is perfect for me!!

8. Grape Juice
Yep, I really do mean Grape Juice. My grandfather struck again. He made a joke about my drinking all of his sacred grape juice on a recent trip to Houston when I stayed with my grandparents, so, to be clever, he bought a bottle of Grape Juice, wrapped it up in a big box and gave it to me. It was very clever and very funny and I am really enjoying both the fun memory his humor has, once again, created, as well as that sweet, yummy Grape Juice.

2007-Wow! It's hard to believe that it's 2007; 2006 just wizzed by. Leading up to the big New Year, I spent a week of relaxation and reflective peace at home with my Hubby. Here is a brief view of my ten days of time out.

The week began with time among family and friends.
-Christmas Eve Eve with my brother and his family was fun. I loved seeing the light in the twinkling eyes of the Carman girls. They are such a joy and I made a commitment on that night to spend more time with them, as well as their parents.

-I enjoyed candle lighting service with my Mom for the first time. I will let my light shine all through the year. A wonderful meal prepared by my favorite Chef made Christmas Eve a special treat this year.

-My love and adoration for my Grandfather was renewed. He was yet again "Mr. Fix It" around our home. His little touches mean so much and I am so appreciative of his time and talents. Hmmm...I no longer have to wonder why one of my "Love Languages" is "Acts of Service."

-My Mom and my Grandmother were at peace with one another for the 24 hours they spent in my home for Christmas-what a blessing. Thanks, Mom, for our heart-to-heart and your patience.

Weekdays of relaxation and doing what I enjoy most, with a few bumps along the way.
-Reading a good book, watching chick flicks, drinking yummy wine and indulging in tantalizing treats while Hubby was out playing hockey. I love my time alone.

-A day of girl time with one of my very favorite friends, Nicole. Seeing "The Holiday" and not wanting the movie to end.

-A day of shopping and another good movie with Hubby, followed by a "Siskel and Ebert" moment at dinner discussing the intellectual thriller, "A Good Shepherd."

-Friday was spent worrying about certain house repairs, homeowner's insurance flub-ups, etc., etc. But I handled it well...I escaped the house after getting all resolved and went straight to Barnes & Noble!!

A New Years weekend to remember and to forecast the year to come.
-Saturday was spent at yet another movie, an indulgence of ours, seeing "The Departed." A great flick and a great time, once again, with my Main Man.

-On Sunday, as Hubby and I sat and talked about Resolutions over a plate of yummy pasta at our local Italian spot, I was struck by the thought that I have no regrets or disappointments from 2006. That, in itself, is a Resolution well-kept to be celebrated!

-New Year's Eve with my brother, sister-in-law and friends-a fun night.

-New Year's Day in our wonderful home just appreciating what we have and what we hope to achieve in 2007. Another fantastic meal to kick-off the New Year prepared by my personal Chef.

So, here it is, a final chapter in my week of time out-

my 2007 New Year's Resolution List

(In no particular order!!)

1. As always, eat right and exercise regularly.

2. Spend time with those I truly enjoy spending time with and make an effort to spend more time with those I love that I just don't see often enough.

3. Cook more often at home and spend less money on eating out.

4. Focus more energy on my career and where I'd like to be with my career in the next few years.

Hoping your New Year's was enjoyable and that your 2007 is one without regrets and disappointments.

I had a pretty serious conversation with my Mom last night about love and relationships that hurt. She was sharing details about a relationship in her life that is very hurtful. I don't know if my conversation with my Mom was helpful at all to her, but it definitely got me thinking. After I finished talking with my Mom, I started thinking about love and who we show love to and who we do not. Why do we love who we love? Is it because they love us back? We all have different ways in which we show our love, so how do we understand one another? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I do know that one can not continuously hurt you over-and-over again without you losing love of yourself for putting up with it. I think one of the greatest loves of all is love of self. If you can't love yourself, there's no way you can be loved or fully love another.

Up in Arms

In The Dallas Morning News Sunday, December 17 edition, two columnists write about the recent news of Mary Cheney's pregnancy. A mere pregnancy wouldn't seem like news to many, except that Mary Cheney is Vice President, Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter, and her spouse is a woman ("spouse" is used loosely since the couple lives in Virginia where they can not be legally married, though they consider themselves just that). These two writers, Ruth Marcus and Tony Perkins, speak to the their own personal view of Mary Cheney's "situation" and how it affects the Republican Party and the child that is to be expected into the home of two gay women.

Marcus speaks more from the liberal side of things saying, "the real tragedy [with a child born to two mothers] is lack of progress in [the Republican Party]"; I agree. Marcus goes on to quote Janice Crouse of Concerned Women for America, which, as stated on their web site, is "the nation's largest public policy women's organization with a rich 27-year history of helping members across the country bring Biblical principles into all levels of public policy." Crouse says Cheney's choice to have a child with another woman is, "unconscionable...her action repudiates traditional values and sets an appalling example for young people at a time when father absence is the most pressing social problem facing the nation." Crouse goes on to say, "[Cheney's] child will have all the material advantages it will need, but it will still encounter the emotional devastation common to children without fathers." EXCUSE ME?!? Ms. Crouse has hit a nerve. Luckily the writer agrees, as she states that to be a child that is "badly wanted," which is evident through the fact that same sex couples have to go to extra lengths to have children,is neither "unconscionable" nor "an appalling example for young people." Personally, I think Ms. Crouse is completely out of line and as a person who grew-up in a home with a single mother, I am living evidence that there was no emotional devastation from not having a father to help raise me. Seriously?!

Our other friendly columnist, Perkins, who works for the Family Research Council which believes that God is the author of life, liberty and the family and promotes the Judeo-Christian worldview as the basis for a just, free, and stable society, according to the organization's web site, makes Ms. Crouse seem sweet in comparison to his take on this controversial topic of same sex couples having children together. Perkins states that, "study after study demonstrates that no amount of care or financial privilege can compensate for the missing physical and emotional benefits experienced by children who enjoy the lifelong love and presence of a married mother and father." Hmmm...I agree that no amount of money or "care" can compensate for the love of parents, but the gender of those parents are really inconsequential, in my opinion. Love is not defined by gender and sexuality. I say a child with two people to raise him that truly love and care for him is a very lucky child.

We have too many children with no parents, no one who loves them at all, in the world to be so up in arms over two people who love each other and want to share that love with a child. And, by the way, the love of Mary Cheney and her partner, Heather Poe, is in no way bad or wrong or unhealthy for a child. As a matter of fact, I'd rather see both the Family Research Council and the Concerned Women for America groups focus their time and energy on areas where no love can be found, instead of on a couple and an issue where love is in every corner of the decision to first be together and then to conceive and raise a child.

And to the fact that children without a mother and a father raising them is devastating to the child, well, if that's the case, I might as well head home for the day as work is just too overwhelming for this poor, devastated, yet successful young woman who was raised by a strong, intelligent, loving, wonderful mother, who just happened to be divorced. Puh-lease...

I am

...worried about the health of my grandfather.

...confused by the warm weather (75 degrees in December!!).

...excited about Christmas.

...proud of my grades for the semester (two A's, a 4.0!!).

...happy about re-connecting with my siblings in the last month.

...looking forward to 2007.

...frustrated by my lack of focus at work these days.

...ecstatic about my upcoming week off from work.

...invigorated by the Mentee Forum I attended this morning where I learned about a department of our corporation (Advocacy & Community Benefit) that I knew little about, but have always been very interested in. I will have to do further research!

...secretly satisfied with the gifts I have purchased for my husband for Christmas this year.

I'm already working on those New Year's Resolutions. Not necessarily following through with them yet, but definitely formulating them in my mind. I've pretty much kept with my resolutions as I look back on those that I've written down from the past. Last year, I wanted to lose 20 lbs. and I achieved that (though I've added a few back!!). I also wanted to be more flexible, go-with-the-flow, laid back...well, I'm still working on that as it's a life change much grander than I thought.

This year, some of my resolutions will not be that different from others: be healthier, lose a little more weight, achieve more, do things that are meaningful, spend more quality time with those I love, etc., etc. But there is another resolution that is personal enough for me not to write it here, but important enough for me to at least mention in theory. The basis of this private resolution is less of about the resolution itself than it is about a private wish; a penny thrown in the fountain; the shooting star of all shooting stars; and I am making it each morning when I wake and each night before I sleep. Until this wish comes true, I will make and keep my resolutions so as to prepare myself for when this wish may come true.

Looking forward to making my resolutions more concrete and complete and my wishes coming true.

I've never read a magazine article that made me cry,

but this one did.

up front

"The Waiting Room"

in the December issue of Vogue

(The writer and his wife have experienced several miscarriages and believe they are going through their fifth when the radiologist comes into

the hospital room where the wife is to confirm the worst.)

"And then, an hour later, standing behind a good-hearted radiology tech called in from a night hitting the bars, I watched a picture appear on the gray screen of the sonogram monitor. We were waiting, yet again, for confirmation of the end of a life that we had made from nothing but hope and desire. From her position on the exam table, Aleksandra couldn't see the monitor, but I could. There was some fumbling-by now she was sobbing so hard that the picture was shaking as if battered by a storm-before the image finally steadied, and through the tears of my disbelief I saw the tiny throbbing heroic pulse of our baby's still-beating heart.

I think back now; I always do. I can't help it. It is my tic, obsession, deepest pleasure, and most elaborate haunting. I'm probably not by nature an optimist, and I know I'm not blind. Every morning on the way up to my third-floor office I stop in for a visit with my son, Garrick, who is eight months old. I do this just to remind myself; to pray at the altar; to take a whiff of his life. I think to myself; If any of the others had worked, we wouldn't have him. And I can imagine no one but him. I don't know God very well, but it's my belief that God can imagine no one but him...I kiss his frog's belly, make a couple of embarrassing googly sounds, tell him to be good, and drag myself up to my office to begin another day of work: to try to find words for the radical effect of his arrival on our lives, how long it took him to get here, and how hard the journey was."

Random Thoughts Today

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas...one of my top five favorite times of the year. I purchased my first Christmas gifts today during my lunch hour and I received my first gift from one of my vendors today, as well!! I guess it's all beginning. I think everyone is a little more relaxed in December, a little less irritated and frustrated with the world...at least I know I am.

I got my Christmas cards out the week after Thanksgiving, got the tree and decorations up, too. I am now working on Christmas gifts and I feel really good about that progress thus far.

This year, hubby and I decided to remain in Dallas for the holidays so that we could just spend time at home, relaxing and enjoying our home. For the past two years we've either been new homeowners (2004) or in New York (2005). So, this will be our first real Christmas in Dallas. Family will be coming into town, friends will join us for some festivities and new traditions will be born.

Speaking of new traditions, I had a conversation with one friend who argued that beginning a tradition just for the sake of having a tradition isn't good. He said he believes that traditions should just happen naturally and not just occur because they're forced or because they are pre-arranged. An interesting take on things as my personality tends to want to "force" just about everything as it is the element of control I am after. But I will take his advice to heart and see how it all shakes out.

Now that school is about over and all assignments are completed, I feel a weight has been lifted and that it is "downhill" from here for the remainder of the year and into 2007. (2007!? Wow, that's crazy!!) Now I will have more time to myself to read, scrapbook and spend time with hubby and friends. I can focus a little on a couple of organizational projects at work and home that I've been thinking about. It should be a fun few weeks without school until the next semester begins.

Hope this time of year finds you as peaceful and content as it finds me!

Happy, Happy Holidays!!!