My Sweet Girl Has Arrived

Rylee Claire O'Neill came into the world on June 23 as we might have expected - she came quickly, on her own schedule and with a big wail letting everyone know she was here. The experience of giving birth to my daughter was one I'll never forget. I worked hard, knowing that the ultimate gift was soon within my reach, and feel I made my sweet girl proud with my labor and delivery performance. When the doctor said, "Here she is..." and the nurse then laid her on my chest, I was more emotional, elated, overwhelmed and in love than I have ever been in my life. I held her and cried and my Husband and I kissed each other over her and stared at her. We couldn't believe it! Now that she's in the world, I can't imagine life without her. It's as though she was destined to be my child from before the beginning of time. Purely and simply the love of my life, oh and beautiful to boot!

Greg and I are so incredibly happy and feel so lucky for every moment since June 23 at 8:55 a.m. when our daughter graced us with her birth. So, here are some of my favorite photos from over the past few days. I know there will be so many more where these come from, but it's a start...

Taking Bets

Everyone around me seems to have a guess as to when my little one will arrive. I am in the home stretch now and Rylee is doing so well - she could arrive at any time. Doc says we won't go to her due date - June 29 - but will induce by June 23 if she doesn't arrive before then. I have to say, having the light at the end of the tunnel so close is very exciting and scary!!

Here at work the ladies are overjoyed and excited. Each one has their own take on when the glorious event will take place. Of course, several hope I will go into labor right here in the office so they can proudly escort me to the hospital. That's sweet, but I'd rather go into labor at home.

One lady, in particular, here at work has said from the beginning that I would have the baby on June 11 (that's today!!) and she is sticking to that. She believes Rylee will be here before midnight tonight. That would be something!

I am thinking Rylee will be here sometime next week or weekend before June 23. What a nice Father's Day gift this would be for Greg if she were to arrive on June 20 or 21! I guess none of us really know what will happen. It's all up to the body and the baby at this point, but, as my Doc said last week: My daughter will have a June birthday!!

Miss Rylee is quite a bit larger than this now since this was taken on March 6 and we're now getting into June entering the ninth month of my pregnancy, but this is the sonogram I have on my desk here at work. The one that reminds me when I feel an ache or pain, want to complain about the blood thinner injections or the rising numbers on the scale that this is all so, very worth it.

I have a confession to make...

I'm having an affair...

I'm not even sure how it all started, but now I can't seem to make it stop, and I don't think I want to stop.

My affair? It's with paper products.

That's right. I love paper. I can't get enough, especially these days. Invitations, thank you notes, stationery, mailing labels, notebook paper, printer paper; I love it all!!

My new favorite spot to get these products? www.tinyprints.com

I got hooked after searching for the perfect baby announcements for Miss Rylee. Then I moved on to the heavier stuff - baby shower invitations for a friend. After that I ordered not one, but TWO different sets of thank you notes - one for my unborn child and the other for my pregnant friend. It's really pretty sad. All this while I have at least two sets of nice thank you notes sitting at home that I use, as well. And here's the other big piece of this... Tiny Prints offers on-line chats with their customer services reps when you have questions and I have chatted with these reps a number of times making sure I am getting discounts, seeing if I can make changes to the designs and lay-outs of my paper items. I know I've gone too far, but I can't help myself!!

Does anyone have the number for PPA? (Paper Products Anonymous)

What They Don't Know...

As the countdown to meeting my baby girl winds into days instead of months, I am feeling excited, hopeful, anxious and emotional all at once. This is how I respond when life hands me something new and different from anything I've ever experienced; and this is something really important. I must admit, whether it's the pregnancy and the hormones or the overwhelming fact that I am going to be a Mother and have a child dependent on me, I am easily angered, easily irritated and easily made to tear up. I try to get a grip on myself, but it's just not that easy. Lately I've been getting a ton of work done sitting right here in my office because I am a little bit afraid of hosting too many meetings outside the office with alumni and donors because of my emotions. Here now because of my rising and falling emotions I feel the need for this confession...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is hitting me. I am going to have a baby; I am going to be a Mother and the rest of my life is changed forever. I do not take it lightly and I do not even begin to think I know what I have in store, but I am so looking forward to it. The happiness I feel just having my baby move inside my tummy will be no match to the love and adoration I feel when I hold her in my arms. And I guess some of my irritation comes from people just walking around in their own world not realizing what's about to happen in my life. How can they discuss such simple matters when this momentous occasion is upon me?! Of course, this momentous occasion has nothing to do with them and they have no way of knowing how I am feeling, nor should they really care, but for me, it's all pretty serious from here on out! I guess I should take lots of deep breaths and try to remember that not everyone understands the exceptionally wonderful, emotionally charged experience I am having and will have in becoming Rylee's Mom. What a pity that they don't know what I know - that I am embarking on the greatest love affair ever, that I am going to be brought to my knees with responsibility and love for another human being. I guess I should let everyone off the hook, they obviously can't help it that they don't know what I know.

FAT & HAPPY

Fat

1. plump; well-fed

2. wealthy; prosperous; rich

3. plentifully supplied

4. fertile, as land

AND

Happy

1. delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing

2. favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky

3. synonyms: joyous, joyful, blithe, cheerful, merry, contented, gay, blissful, satisfied.

Why I'm FAT & HAPPY...

"FAT" (wealthy; prosperous; rich) with Beauty

A beautiful baby shower given by five of my very best friends - Brooke, Mandy, Nicole, Barbara & Jenn - this past Saturday.

I felt beautiful, the flowers and party decor were beautiful, the food was beautiful and seeing so many people that I love from so many different parts of my life interacting was a beautiful thing to behold. The highlight of the party for me was giving, instead of receiving. I gave unique gifts of gratitude to each of the five hostesses and watched their faces go from anticipation to surprise to glee, and felt each emotion along with them. That was beautiful, too!

"HAPPY" (delighted, pleased or glad...) with Acceptance and Understanding

My Mother and I spent a day of pampering together on Saturday before the baby shower and we enjoyed it very much - me more so than my Mom, I think. I am learning so much about my Mother these days. I am watching and listening and experiencing her from a place of acceptance instead of scrutiny. We are very different from one another and I've always been pretty alright with that, but for some reason on Saturday I saw so many new things about my Mother. She doesn't really like a whole lot of fuss made over her, and is accepting of herself as she is. She doesn't really enjoy the spontaneous chatter from group to group that occurs at a cocktail party, but prefers more intimate, more in-depth conversations. She doesn't really enjoy crowds, and will rise with the sun to enjoy her solitude. But what I learned this weekend is that above all else my Mother can handle any situation thrown at her, whether it is her preference, or not. My Mother is like a butterfly who is beautiful in all her own glory as she was originally made, not meant to be captured and admired for too long before she must fly again on her own and in her own way leaving a lasting impression with any into whose life she has landed.

"FAT" (plump, well-fed; fertile) with Love for my Baby

Rylee Claire is 4 lbs. and 6 oz. with big feet, long legs, active hands and arms and mouth, and her Mother (ME!) is round and rotund and full from pregnancy. As I become more in tune with my unborn child's movements and growth progress, I am realizing how connected I already am with her. I know she is not a morning baby, except when I am hungry and need to eat, as her movements are much stronger just before bedtime. I know she loves her Daddy as when he is near and speaking to me or to her, she is very active and excited. I know she loves to have me sing to her, usually when we are alone in the car. It's amazing how much I love this little girl already. I think often of what she will look like, what her personality will be, and so much more. What an exciting time...

As I celebrate my own FAT & HAPPY time, I wish all of those who are such a special part of this time in my life your very own FAT & HAPPY!!

20 Things About My 29th Year

1. I had my first-ever hospital stay, which included my first-ever blood clot, and I learned what I do not want in a doctor!

2. For the first time in a long time, I felt helpless without my Mommie...until she came running to be by my side.

3. I really learned that God has plans for you and that He laughs in the face of the plans you make for yourself.

4. Patience is more than a virtue both when you're expecting something wonderful to happen (getting pregnant) and when you're supporting a loved one as they watch their parent pass away.

5. No matter what the relationship, there is always a void when a parent dies.

6. I appreciate my parents and grandparents (both living and deceased) so much more now that I'm going to be a parent.

7. Facebook is the bomb!

8. Time is precious, and one must always use it wisely.

9. My Husband is constantly showing me that he's one of the strongest, most wonderful people I've ever met, but in my 29th year he really showed the kind of man he is; I am in awe.

10. Just because it's called the "Ritz" and it's in New York, that doesn't mean it's the best.

11. Walking on the streets of New York alone, is one of the most invigorating feelings I've ever had.

12. I have been to paradise - it's called Staniel Cay, Bahamas - and we really can live without the Internet or cell phones or TV.

13. I can feel free and independent behind the wheel of a rental car or jetting through several airports, as I travel through four states in less than four days.

14. I am enamored with the military, especially those men and women I experienced at the Naval Academy in Annapolis who believe wholeheartedly in so many great traditions.

15. I felt, once again, the extreme pride of walking across a stage to accept a handshake of congratulations and a diploma signifying the end of yet another awesome educational experience.

16. I pushed myself physically with the assistance of a great personal trainer and several co-workers, and felt stronger physically than since I was in high school. That strength felt better than I ever felt getting on a scale and merely seeing the digits drop.

17. I raised several hundred thousand dollars for SMU's business school, which is my job, but more importantly I know there are people whom I will never meet that will benefit from the work I have done and that is my driving force.

18. I have gotten so much better with my New Year's Resolutions - flexibility and acceptance.

19. After my first taste of a cappucinno at a small Italian bistro in New York, I knew I was in love with both the hot foamy liquid and the chic feeling of enjoying it!

20. Though my 29th year was full of ups and downs and all arounds, and I would say it was a good year overall, my 30th year is sure to be the best yet!

In remembrance of my Grandad Stratton...

On this sacred day in the Christian faith, I am aware and appreciative of Easter's significance, and I am also thinking of another significant Mann. Elmer Ione "Mann" Stratton was born on April 12, an Aries - honest and bold, today I am remembering my sweet Grandad.

I remember:

His easy smile that lit up his eyes...

That rumbly laugh that shook that roly-poly belly of his...

His gentle nature...

His ability to make my Mother feel better no matter what...

His love of family...

His interest in things with a history and a story, from his flea market to his antiques...

Our shared love of photographs and ability to keep special things for years...

The old pipe smoke smell that always permeated his path, a smell that still to this day makes me happy...

His talents, from music to languages to history...

Our shared birthday month and experience as only children of strong Mothers...

I never saw my Grandad angry, but I saw him upset a time or two, and I will never forget how deeply he felt his emotions...

His ability to be completely content sitting at his antique desk, looking at family photos, reading, or just gazing out the window...

I know my Grandad is in Heaven watching over us now and I hope he knows that I am always thinking of him, the undeniable love he gave my sweet Mother, and those last words of instruction he gave me before he left us. Words that show that even in the end, once a Father, always a Father. He said simply,

"Be a good girl and look after your Mother." Well, I'm doing my very best, Grandad.

With love, Stinker

A book called "The Prophet" written by Kahlil Gibram has become my little handbook on life. The words are so intentional and instructional and true, and every time I read the passages I find new meaning in the wisdom there. Here, just a few of the many, great pieces of advice and insight from "The Prophet."

(Thank you, Barbara, for introducing me to this amazing little book that has done some big things in my life.)

On Love... "When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God." And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."

On Marriage... "You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

On Children... "Your children are not your children.They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you."

On Joy & Sorrow... "The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

On Friendship... "And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."

On Reason & Passion... "Rest in Reason; Move in Passion."

My how things change...

Although I feel like the fundamentals of who I am are constant and never-changing, I do notice that I have evolved since my younger years.

Take my food preferences, for example, when I was a kid, there were many things I wouldn't eat that I know crave and enjoy very much. One example of that is mustard, good 'ole plain, yellow mustard. I can eat it alone on bread now. Another example would be Ranch dressing. Anything that resembled creamy dressings used to turn my stomach, it was all vinegar-based dressings for me as a kid. I would say my horizons have been broadened and there are very few things I will not eat. Maybe that's because of maturity and experience, but I think it's also because my chef husband has shown me how good so many of these "off limits" food items are prepared in his own special way. I think of corned beef and cabbage as an example. As I sat enjoying this typical Irish feast last night after my husband had literally served me as I sat atop a pillow on the couch, I remembered a time when someone would just say the word "cabbage" and I would squirm. Now, I love cabbage. I think this openness and ability to change makes us resilient. Not just with food, but with people and places and things.

There was a time when I was much more selfish and had just the right amount of spoiling to be bratty at times while also being skillfully able to charm anyone I needed to. I may be wrong about this, but I would say the latter is more in play now than the former. That brat of yesterday can really only be seen by my husband, mother and grandparents as they are the ones who still insist on spoiling me!

Nowadays I would say I am much more gentle with people and their varying opinions, even though I find my opinions tend to be the minority in the typical circles I move in from day-to-day, but that is refreshing. I like to be challenged, even when it's on something I feel very strongly about. I guess that's another way I have changed; I am completely comfortable speaking my mind while also knowing when it is the right time and place.

Lastly, I have a different sense of what's most important in my life than ever before. My time and energy are precious and I refuse to expend much of either on anything that I feel is petty or unworthy - this being certain activities and certain people. As harsh as that might sound, that is just me speaking my mind and standing firm on that foundation that is unshakably me. As I continue to understand who I am, it is also nice to be able to acknowledge the small and not-so-simple changes that have occurred. As I am becoming more of a woman, wife, daughter, friend, professional and soon-to-be mother, I enjoy examining all of these things about myself - the why's and how's - because I think it is important to living a better, fuller, more enjoyable life.

I heard a song this morning on the radio on my way into work that truly touched my heart. Whether it be the hormones, or lack of sleep or just the truth and easy relatability of the words, this song makes me think of my husband and my baby girl and the journey we are on and are about to experience when she arrives. Thought I would share the lyrics to this song here. Please go to YouTube to listen to it with the music, too as it's a great song.

It Won't Be Like This For Long, by Darius Rucker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=at_lUnFjXg8

He didn't have to wake up

He'd been up all nite

Lay'n there in bed listen'n

To his new born baby cry

He makes a pot of coffee

He splashes water on his face

His wife gives him a kiss and says

It's gonna be OK

It won't be like this for long

One day soon we'll look back laugh'n

At the week we brought her home

This phase is gonna fly by

So baby just hold on

It won't be like this for long

Four years later 'bout four thirty

She's crawling in their bed

And when he drops her off at preschool

She's clinging to his leg

The teacher peels her off of him

He says what can I do

She says now don't you worry

This will only last a week or two

It won't be like this for long

Someday soon you'll drop her off

And she won't even know you're gone

This phase is gonna fly by

If you can just hold on

It won't be like this for long

One day soon she'll be a teenager

And at times he'll think she hates him

Then he'll walk her down the aisle

And he'll raise her veil

But right now she's up and cry'n

And the truth is that he don't mind

As he kisses her good night

And she says her prayers

He lays down there beside her

Till her eyes are finally closed

And just watch'n her it breaks his heart

'Cause he already knows

It won't be like this for long

One day soon that little girl is gonna be

All grown up and gone

Yeah this phase is gonna fly by

He's try'n to hold on

It won't be like this for long

It won't be like this for long

There are many perks of working on a college campus, least of all the energy and excitement one feels on beautiful days like today. But I discovered a brand new perk while returning from picking up lunch today. I was in my car stopped in front of the student center where activity was bustling. I was waiting to get around a construction vehicle when I felt someone looking at me. I turned to my right and there sitting on a bench looking very leisurely and self-assured was a young man on a cell phone. He was talking to someone while staring and smiling AT ME!?! I was tempted to look behind me for another target of his attention to make sure I wasn't seeing things, but then he winked. Woah, that was a feeling I haven't felt in a while. I grinned to myself for several reasons as I began to drive off: one, what a nice compliment even if it was fron a cocky 20-something college guy; two, if he only knew I was smuggling a soccer ball beneath my top just low enough in the car where he couldn't see; three, how crazy it is to be so flattered to be looked and winked at by a complete stranger. Oh well, I'll take it and enjoy my beautiful day, my bright, shiny mood and my little secret compliment.

Footlongs, Sweet Tea & Ice Cream

I've expanded on my earlier craving of Peanut Butter and I'm now on to sandwiches of just about any kind, (the more sauces the better) good 'ole southern sweet iced tea and, of course, ice cream!

I dream of fluffy white bread or warm Italian bread slathered in mayo, drizzled with vinegar, sprinkled with salt & pepper and then filled with meats, cheese, lettuce and tomato. Maybe this first craving is because sandwiches, though filling and delicious, don't have a distinct aroma. It seems the stronger the aroma of a food (Italian and Mexican come to mind), the harder it is for me to want to eat it. As for the sweet tea, well I come by that honest as it's a staple in my Grandmother's kitchen. I feel indulgent sipping on this refreshingly wet and sinfully sweet beverage. I even allow myself to drink it with caffeine sometimes just because they serve a serious sweet tea here in the student center at SMU where I work and it's not decaf. And my precious Blue Bell Moo-lennium Crunch ice cream...there are few words to describe the thrill it brings me. Vanille ice cream with all kinds of nuts and specks of toffee - YUM-MEE!! It's my favorite ice cream of all time and now I have my Husband hooked, too.

So, as you can see food has become so much more than something simply to sustain my body and help my baby grow; it has become a bit of an obsession and I'm o.k. with that.

A Moment from Our Cravings Sponsors

Peanut Butter & Peach Jelly on Mrs. Baird's white bread in the morning

Veggie Soup and a big sandwich with lots of meat and cheese for lunch

A sensible piece of fruit for an afternoon snack

Dinner is just a means to an end - to get to the Blue Bell vanilla ice cream for dessert.

My days and nights are filled with cravings. Many times I give in to them and other times it just doesn't make sense. Like yesterday, for example, I wanted the freshest smattering of sushi slathered in soy sauce that I could sink my teeth into. Volcano roll, Dynamite roll, Sexy roll, good 'ole Spicy Tuna roll...

Doesn't make much sense to have that when most of the sushi I love is raw!

Above all else, I have been craving peanut butter. Luckily I had two jars at home BEFORE the salmonella or ecoli scare from peanut butter started. But if I run out, I'm in trouble! I'm also all about the big sandwich with the soft white bread, lots of veggies and meat and cheese. YUM! Luckily, I'm enjoying fruits and veggies, too, but that is a complete accident.

In Love...

I find myself taking a second glance when I see myself in mirrors or in glass doors when I pass by them. I hardly recognize myself these days and yet it feels as though this has always been meant for me. My body is changing rapidly with hips widening, belly rounding out and breasts expanding, but somehow it all feels just right. I am very comfortable in this moment in my pregnancy; I even venture to say I feel beautiful. I am not self-conscious, or irritated by these changes, I am in awe of them. There's a sparkle in my eye as though I have a secret, a really great secret only I can know. There's a spring in my step and a sing-song to my laughter that even surprises me when I hear it! I am in love with my pregnancy and I am so, very excited about my baby girl.

Sanguine

Cheerfully optimistic or confident

What a great word - sanguine! I am feeling sanguine these days because I am alive, healthy, happy, loved and expecting a beautiful baby daughter. I have plans with friends this weekend, I love my job and everything that goes with it, my family is doing well and I adore my husband. Amazingly I can still feel sanguine even after a week of not sleeping much. It seems God or fate or something else is trying to prepare me for the sleeplessness to come. It's as though the universe is whispering in my ear each night, "This is nothing, sweetheart, just wait until that baby arrives." Monday night was a no sleeper for reasons I will not divulge, Tuesday was alright but between having a head cold that worsens when I lie down and the frequent restroom breaks every two to three hours no night is restful, and then there was last night. I didn't go to sleep until 11 p.m. and then at 2 a.m. my dog, Yankee, began barking at what seemed like the front door. My dogs don't typically bark, especially at this hour, unless there's a good reason. So, Greg let them outside, and that didn't work, he checked the house for a security breach and that wasn't it, and the barking continued intermittently until 5:30 a.m. I didn't even get angry about it, I just laid there with my eyes closed trying to think good thoughts. I figured at least I was in my bed resting, and that will be the biggest difference between now and this summer when little Rylee is dictating my sleeping habits. Greg, on the other hand, was not happy. He grumpily stated this morning that he would not be meeting me a the gym today as we'd discussed the night before because of his "bad sleep."

So, sleep or no sleep...I'm sanguine all the same.

Broken Open

As an eternal optimist I am always looking for ways to turn something sad, tragic or unfair into something positive. I have also been seeking the counsel lately of those who can help me see the opportunity in hard times. So, in keeping with this recent theme I came across an episode of Oprah (one of my life gurus) yesterday and the show was about spirituality and a book called "Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow" by Elizabeth Lesser. Lesser speaks of choosing a life path when you've been through something difficult that helps you understand why the pain has happened and what can be learned from the pain. Lesser uses the analogy of a rosebud who may either stay tightened and eventually wither and fall off the stem or of a rose who blossoms with each of life's lessons to bask in the rays of the sun and be refreshed by the drops rain. To be like the latter we must grow in difficult times and do our best not to allow difficult things to harden us. So, as my petals begin to relax and bend to the sun and rain from the recent challenges I have experienced, I feel I am to be broken open, but never broken to pieces.

(Note: I intended to share some of the unfortunate difficulties that are leading me to this place of understanding expressed in this blog posting, but I decided it best to move through those things quietly and peacefully. Thanks to all of you who have been such a huge support over the last couple of weeks, and please know I am doing well.)

From my Mother (and Maya) on Christmas

This year I spent the majority of my Christmas with my Mother. Christmas Eve we attended candlelight service, sang carols and giggled at two joyous babies sitting near us. Christmas Eve evening we spent with friends enjoying laughter and good cheer, and Christmas Day we spent with the carousing Carman family.

But two of the most special things about this Christmas were gifts, which wouldn't typically be the case as I am more of a memories made person - relishing in the moments that make Christmas special as opposed to being gift-obsessed.

I received a beautiful, special blue lapis, diamond and silver blueberry charm and bracelet, which is special between my Mother and I in reference to the new Little One we are expecting, and Maya Angelou's book "Letter to My Daughter." I wear the former every day with pride and expectation and I read the latter in a matter of hours this past Monday night. It's a wonderful book with many great lessons inside. Here are some of my favorite Maya passages that I know my Mia also appreciates:

"The word philanthropy was taken from the two Greek words, philo - lover of; and anthro - mankind. So, philanthropists are lovers of humanity ...I learned that I could be a giver by simply bringing a smile to another person. The ensuing years have taught me that a kind word, a vote of support is a charitable gift."

"When I find myself filling with rage over the loss of a beloved, I try as soon as possible to remember that my concerns and questions should be focused on what I learned or what I have yet to learn from my departed love. What legacy was left which can help me in the art of living a good life?

Did I learn to be kinder,

To be more patient,

And more generous,

More loving,

More ready to laugh,

And more easy to accept honest tears?

If I accept those legacies of my departed beloveds, I am able to say, Thank You to them for their love and Thank You to God for thier lives."

"It seems to me that becoming a Christian is a lifelong endeavor. I believe that is also true for one wanting to become a Buddhist, or a Muslim, a Jew, Jainist, or a Taoist. The persons striving to live their religious beliefs know that the idyllic condition cannot be arrived at and held on to eternally. It is in the search itself that one finds the ecstasy.

Now that the word is pretty much out, I feel comfortable finally writing a blog about my pregnancy. I am eleven weeks and one day today and I'm feeling less nausea and more energy than in the past few weeks prior. What a blessing. I mean this is a time when all you want to do is be happy and excited, but you get pulled down by feeling yucky. I'm glad I'm doing better and I hope that only continues as I head into week twelve.

Aside from some upset stomach and sleepiness, I am ecstatic over the life growing inside of me. I am enamored with how much happens each week and how much the baby grows and all of the transformations going on. If one didn't believe in God before, well, there's no denying it when you understand and experience the miracle of pregnancy. Of course I'm nervous and I take one day at a time as I know anything can happen and I have no control (I repeat, "I have no control..."), but the overwhelming feeling is happiness and a feeling of blessing. I am so excited to be a Mother, and I can't wait for the adventure.

When you're facing two days filled with death and despair, there's only one thing to turn to...music. Some favorites I dedicate to my loving Husband, the one who hears the music, from me, the one who understands its meaning.

"Girl" The Beatles

Is there anybody going to listen to my story

All about the girl who came to stay?

She's the kind of girl you want so muchIt makes you sorry

Still you don't regret a single day.

Ah girl! Ffff...Girl!

When I think of all the times I've tried SO HARD to leave her

She will turn to me and start to cry;

And she promises the earth to me

And I believe her

After all this time I don't know why.

Ah, girl! Ffff...Girl!S

he's the kind of girl who puts you down

When friends are there, you feel a fool.

When you say she's looking good

She acts as if it's understood.

She's cool, ooh, ooh, ooh,

Girl! Ffff...Girl!

Was she told when she was young that pain

Would lead to pleasure?

Did she understand it when they said

That a man must break his back to earn

His day of leisure?

Will she still believe it when he's dead?

Ah girl!Ffff...Girl!

"Just the Way You Are" Billy Joel

Don't go changing, to try and please me

You never let me down before

Don't imagine you're too familiar

And I don't see you anymore

I would not leave you in times of trouble

We never could have come this far

I took the good times,

I'll take the bad times

I'll take you just the way you are.

Don't go trying some new fashion

Don't change the color of your hair

You always have my unspoken passion

Although I might not seem to care.

I don't want clever conversation

I never want to work that hard

I just want someone that I can talk to

I want you just the way you are.

I need to know that you will always be

The same old someone that I knew.

What will it take till you believe in me

The way that I believe in you.

I said I love you and that's forever

And this I promise from the heart.

I couldn't love you any better

I love you just the way you are.

"The Sun is Shining" Bob Marley and the Wailers

Sun is shining, the weather is sweet, yeah

Make you wanna move your dancing feet now

To the rescue, here I am

Want you to know, yall, can you understand?

When the mornin gather the rainbow, yeah, yeah

Want you to know, I'm a rainbow too now

To the rescue, here I am

Want you to know, yall, can you, can you, can you understand?

Sun is shining, the weather is sweet now

Make you wanna move your dancing feet, yeah

But to the rescue, here I am

Want you to know just if you can, here I stand, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Can you understand me now, baby?

Do you believe me?

"America" Simon and Garfunkel

Let us be lovers we'll marry our fortunes together

I've got some real estate here in my bag

So we bought a pack of cigarettes and Mrs. Wagner pies

And we walked off to look for America

Kathy, I said as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburgh

Michigan seems like a dream to me now

It took me four days to hitch-hike from Saginaw

Ive gone to look for America

Laughing on the bus

Playing games with the faces

She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy

I said be careful his bowtie is really a camera

Toss me a cigarette, I think there's one in my raincoat

We smoked the last one an hour ago

So I looked at the scenery, she read her magazine

And the moon rose over an open field

Kathy, I'm lost, I said, though I knew she was sleeping

I'm empty and aching and I dont know why

Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike

They've all gone to look for America

All gone to look for America

All gone to look for America.