"You have to leave to come back..."

Tears filled my eyes as the charter flight began making its way back to Nassau from the island of Staniel Cay where I'd spent six glorious days and five incredible nights with my husband, one of my best friends from college, her husband and her father. I told Casey, John and Greg how sad I was to leave such a beautiful place after so much time spent relaxing, having fun and just not having to think about anything except sunscreen and my next meal for so many days. The words above are those that Casey spoke in reply to my sadness. I took those words and keep them with me because I must return and I must hang on to the wonderful memories we've now made in this unbelievable place.

Top Ten Reasons You'll Never Want to Leave Staniel Cay

1. It's a remote island where cell phone, television and computer use is unnecessary and somewhat unwelcome.

2. If you want to spend the day reading on the boat dock, splashing around in some of the most beautiful water ever seen, spying on underwater creatures, napping in the hanging chair or boating for adventure, you have only to walk a few steps out the back door.

3. Spending quality time with a long-time friend who is so patient and so kind to her "athletically challenged" friend when it comes to snorkeling, boating, etc. makes the vacation so much more enjoyable and relaxed.

4. A "gourmet chef," that I like to call husband, who made some of the finest foods I've ever tasted from local fare and interesting odds and ends in a kitchen he was unfamiliar with. What a treat that just made this one hell of a vacation!!

5. Water so clear that I could see all the way to the ocean floor and see all of the millions of fish swimming around me as I snorkeled for the very first time!!

6. The gorgeous boats docked around the island that I'm sure housed men and women of intrigue and mystery...at least that was my fantasy anyway.

7. The ability to forget about time (there wasn't a functioning clock in the place!) and responsibilities and go with the flow.

8. The laughter, the good conversation and the complete and utter fun whether it was stories shared, playing Twister for the first time since middle school (and winning!!) and the many rounds of Scattergories we played most nights. It felt so good to just enjoy life.

9. Seeing my husband completely relaxed.

10. Knowing that even though we had to leave, we are always welcome back to Staniel Cay.

Thank you to the Dressendorfer's and to Jim Sherman for an amazing six days in paradise!!

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

— Anne Bradstreet

Words of such truth are hard to come by and so treasured when found. I do find that spring is such a sweet, sweet reprieve from the dark, cold days of winter. I also think that we go through times of trouble and disappointment only to find that happiness and fulfillment is that much more meaningful. When we ask 'why?' should it not be more appropriate to ask 'when?'

I Can Take a Hint

"Balance is the key to happiness in your life, and you need to work on getting some of your old equilibrium back. Get started as soon as you can. The still, quiet moments in life hold just as much reward for you as the dramatic, glamorous ones. See for yourself!" - Horoscope 3/16/08

On this glorious St. Patrick's Day, I find that the Luck of the Irish is with me because I see the important message in my horoscope from yesterday. I don't usually put much thought into astrology, but after having not one, but three, doctors tell me recently that I am suffering physically from mental or emotional stress, I think it's time I put some serious thought into following the advice of this simple horoscope. I've also had a friend of mine, who knows much about diet and nutrition, advise me to eat more cleanly and stay away from artificial flavoring in my food and drink. She particularly advised against using artificial sweetners. Then I read some of the great book, "Skinny Bitch" yesterday and learned way more horrible, disgusting information than I ever wanted to about all of the foods I love. That helped put into perspective how my emotions and my choices for this body can lead to the physical ailments I am enjoying. So, my St. Patrick's Day pledge to myself: eat clean, breathe deeply and work on getting some of my equilibrium back through more still, quiet moments in life. I'll let you know where this pledge leads me...

"Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire, and judgment — and, for a moment at least, existing for the other person." — Michael P. Nichols

This quote, which arrived in my e-mail inbox last week, seemed, at that time, very appropriate as it applies to my job as a development professional. It is my job to build lasting, meaningful relationships with alumni, friends, students and staff of SMU. While away in Chicago at a development conference, listening seemed to be a recurring theme.

The message conveyed in this quote is also essential in marriage - my top priority. To listen is to genuinely and fully give yourself over to the other person, if only for a short time. Listening, it has been said, is the greatest gift one can give to another. My husband has a real knack for listening, even when I may not think he's actually doing so. And listening to one another has saved us many, many times.

But listening - existing for the other person - truly came into play last night as a heartbroken close friend called to speak with me about the tragic, unexpected loss of her father over the weekend. As I listened to her cry, listened to her tell of her sadness over the memories they will no longer be able to make, the unfairness of his death and just her utter confusion and shock over this loss, I felt my own tears, my own shudder at the thoughts which came flowing from my friend. I wasn't crying for myself, or the thought of losing someone I love, I was crying with my friend because of her pain. I was existing for her, feeling some of that heartbreak with her. And when she was ready to end the conversation, I merely said, "I love you. I'm here for you," and then we said "good-bye." Suspending memory, desire and judgment in those moments on the phone with my friend...genuinely listening, is really the only gift we have to offer our friends during times of unspeakable sadness.

Celebrating Favorite Photos

One thing anyone who knows me well can tell you is that I LOVE photographs. I have book after book of cherished memories that I look through often. My office is also filled with wonderful photos of those I love. Since I notice a lack of photos on this blog in many, many months. I thought I would share some of my favorites here today.

My beautiful, super smart, crazy Mother - Mia, aka Spicy!! Age 18. Happy belated birthday!!

The kid-os:

Loving Jake...

Daisy Davan...

Sweet boy Jace...

Crazy, Cool Carman Girls- Paris & Alexis...

Oscar, the teddy bear.

The ones who started it all...

Freddy, Mr. Smooth...

and the love of my life...

Hannah, who will be 14 in a matter of weeks!!

Of course there is The Fellas:

And one of the best times of my life with my Hubby:

Photos are a forever reminder of the most important parts of your life. I am so blessed and grateful for them all!!!

I have much to blog about-some sad, some glad, some in between.

*Last week was filled with emotion. A little over a week ago one of my Mother's very best friends passed away. Betty Engelking was such a vibrant spirit, one that danced and giggled often with the spirit of my Mother. Seeing them together over the years always made me and Betty's daughter, Tiffany, (a high school classmate of mine) roll our eyes, but we were always secretly thrilled that they had one another. I am sad for the loss of Betty's spirit here in our world, but I am glad to have her watching over us. We're all a little better taken care of with the strength and courage and unique love that is Betty now in Heaven. I am most sad for my Mother and for Tiffany - what a great loss for these two women, but I will always celebrate Betty as a hero of mine for being such a great friend, such a wonderful mother and forever leaving her special mark on all those she met.

*My Mom always said, "You are known by the company you keep." I have heard that in my mind and learned so much over the last couple of weeks with relation to who I am in the world and how I want to be known. I find my Mom's words to be ever so true and upon examining that statement and applying it to my life I think I have some work to do in that area.

*It is really something to be completely in awe of the man you love. I am in awe of his dedication to our home and his renewed devotion to our marriage, to me as his wife and to himself. I came home from class last Wednesday and experienced a whole new light in our home - literally. After all the pain and strife of trying to install the chandelier that would hang so high above the entryway in our home last weekend, ultimately "the chandelier won out." But Greg would not let the initial set back deter him, and on Wednesday he pursued this project once again with much success. His passionate perseverance, both in his home improvements and our life together, is truly inspiring to me. And isn't that what marriage should be all about - inspiring one another?!

*I have the most wonderful best friend. Mandy is her name and support and love is her claim to fame! She spent hour upon hour with me on Saturday and she showed me why the words 'best friend' should never be used or taken lightly. She is truly my 'champion in my absence and my friend always.' Mandy, thank you for always being the very best friend anyone could have. You are a genuine treasure to behold and I am blessed that you found me!!

*Last, but not least, I spent time with two people this weekend that we are welcoming back to Dallas after a long trip to the Northeast. I say it was a "trip" because in my heart they never really left. I am so excited and so happy to have the Shuff's moving back to Texas. I sat laughing hysterically as I was reminiscing with Jenn on Saturday night, and I couldn't help but grin in anticipation as the laughter subsided because I so look forward to many more fun, memorable moments still to be shared with our favorite 'Peanuts.'

Home Improvement Hero - Part II

As I slept really late on Sunday, I could hear the occasional singing, banging of the paint can and movement of the tall ladder downstairs where hubby was busily painting. So much work was done on the house last weekend that I think Greg had a hard time leaving anything alone this weekend, as well. So, we chose a new paint color for the entryway and hallways (Sagey) and he went to work. There's something very comforting about sleeping the morning away while your strong, determined man gets after the house work. I dreamt of beaches and ocean, sun on my face and wind in my hair as Greg worked and worked and worked. It was getting pretty late so I decided to finally get out of bed, though I could've easily continued to sleep. As the day progressed, Greg began getting more and more accomplished - he was on a roll. But then he hit a wall. He was committed to getting a new chandelier installed high in the ceiling of our entryway. It took him such a long time and so much determination and it was almost done when the whole thing fell to the ground. It was heart-breaking to see so much hard work fall apart, and the look on Greg's face was very sad, as well. He looked at me and said, "I failed." Wow, that was powerful. I was mad at the chandelier; Greg was mad at himself. Seeing his utter disappointment really said a lot about this man. Achievement is about the prize more than the journey to get there. I see this as a fundamental difference between me and Greg. I applaud his efforts where he sees complete failure and has forgotten about the obstacles he overcame to even make it as far as he did. I say how proud I am of him even trying to do it after working so hard all day, then to get as far along as he did with only one hand to work with as the other hand was latched on to the very tall ladder so as to keep him from falling. He only saw a failure. But after only a few moments of wallowing in the disappointment, Greg picked himself back up and said, "They won't get me down!" and proceeded to install a different light fixture in another area of the house. I guess that's what can be said about seeing the achievement or the failure as opposed to the journey - it allows you to pick yourself back up quickly because you've disregarded the long, hard journey leading to the failure and it allows the failure to spur you on to something else that's absolutely achievable. Hence the self-confidence is restored. Needless to say, this little study in the psychology that is my husband was important for me to experience. My Home Improvement Hero strikes again and though he can't scale walls, fly or blow fire, he has many great secret powers that serve us and our family very, very well...particularly the power to overcome failure and achieve more.

We're all like little mosquitoes!

"If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito in the room." — Anita Roddick

I Am Grateful

There's really no better way to begin talking about how great things are going these days than to share my husband's horoscope from yesterday:

"Karma is definitely on your side right now, so you can expect some valuable payback for all the good deeds you have performed in the recent past. You are learning more about how to use these wonderful victorious moments to feed your self esteem in a healthy way, and it will start bringing very important people to your side."

I'm not even sure where to start, but maybe last Monday will do.

Last Monday I received gorgeous flowers from Greg, actually they were red roses and stargazer lillies which were the flowers in my wedding bouquet, with a note saying how much he loves 'us.' On Valentine's Day, amidst chocolates, flowers and nice sentiments from family and friends, I got a phone call that really made my week extra awesome. Our best friends, Jenn and Mark, who moved to Connecticutt a while back, are moving back to Dallas in April!!! Greg and I are so overjoyed to have our friends back with us. What exciting news! Over the weekend Greg and I got very serious again about home improvements. My "Home Improvement Hero" installed two new toilets; a new, beautiful front door with new locks and door handles; replaced several baseboards in the house; installed molding around the new door; and successfully utilized many of his new toys, I mean tools, for these projects. The tools included a pancake compressor with a nail gun (very scary tool!!), a miter saw and other items I can't remember the name of. I was so impressed with my "Home Improvement Hero" and so excited about our progress. Then to top things off, we got confirmation of a very special, very important career move for Greg. Not only is it a wonderful opportunity financially, it's also a chance for my creative, talented, hard-working husband to re-join the culinary world where he works best. I realized this weekend why Greg can tackle home improvement projects like he's been doing then for years: he can do anything as long as he's working with his hands. His mind and his physical abilities are directly in line. He sees a physical project and he just knows how to make it work. It's pretty amazing and it's this ability that helps him be such a wonderful chef. So, with so much good karma coming our way and so many wonderful things to celebrate - the return of great friends, a very promising career change and lots and lots of love all around - all I can say is 'I am grateful.'

It's like a damn florist around here...

I just walked into the suite where the development offices are where I work and I was just struck by all of the beautiful, fragrant flowers that have been delivered, with love, to me and my colleagues. Roses, stargazer lillies, daisies - you name it, it's here. Among the six women that work here in this office, all of us received flowers today. Actually, my husband was very clever this year as he sent my bouquet to me on Monday so that I could enjoy them all week long. And I have!! Even though Valentine's Day seems like such a commercialized day of wasted money, it has always been a day that makes me happy. Between the flowers, the chocolate, the e-cards and phone calls from friends and family, the giggles and squeals of women who've been shown they are loved, it really is a good day. And today's Valentine's occasion has been better than ever for me for so many reasons. I feel very lucky and very loved!!!

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals." — Henry Ford

Ain't it the truth!? These words are so valid for so many things in life. When I start to allow my mind to stray from what my goals are, I tend to see the obstacles to achieving my goals. When I lose sight of what's most important, I am distracted by those moving parts around me that really should have nothing to do with the goal. And I find it interesting that Ford uses the word "frightful" to describe life's obstacles. I find that in my own life, those obstacles are very much about my own deeply rooted fears. As my Mom would say, Ford's words "hit me right between the eyes" this morning!!

A Daily Lesson from Mort Fertel,

Marriage Fitness Boot Camp Creator and Marriage Guru

"The difficultly with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character."- Peter Devries

We can only appreciate the profundity of this statement if we understand what is meant by CHARACTER.
"Personality" is easy to understand. Your "personality" is how people experience you. It's your public persona.
But what is "character?" And why is "character"so crucial in your marriage?
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
Let me say that again so you can read it slowly and really digest it this time.
Character is who you are when no one is watching.
You see, when you and your spouse met, you met each other's PERSONALITIES. You showed your spouse and you were shown by your spouse your public personas. I'm not saying you tricked each other. It's just your personality; how you display yourself to others.
But marriage lasts too long in too close of quarters for anyone to sustain a public persona. Personalities eventually give way to an INNER SELF that gets revealed for the first time. And there you each stand, naked as if no one is watching. But someone is watching. And that's when you meet for the first time...again!
You and your spouse don't meet the person who charmed each other's friends, bought gifts for each other's parents, and always smiled from ear to ear. No, this time it's a meeting of your CHARACTERS.
In many cases, it's not only that you're meeting each other for the first time, but it's that you're meeting YOURSELVES for the first time.
Most people wouldn't be caught dead treating anyone the way they treat their spouse. Most people don't recognize their own behavior. "I'm just not myself with him/her." Well then who is that person? I say, that's YOU...it's your character. (And your spouse meets their character.)
The reason so many people fail at marriage and an attempt at marriage renewal is NOT that they don't like their spouse. It's that they don't like THEMSELVES. And while everyone else in their life is like a mirror reflecting their personality; their spouse is a mirror reflecting their character. And most people don't like what they see.
Many people would rather choose to be with someone else than remain with their spouse and have to continue to be with themselves.

(Did you get that?)

Balthasar Gracian wrote in his 17th century manual on success, The Art of Worldly Wisdom, as follows: "You are as much a real person as you are deep. As with the depths of a diamond, the interior is twice as important as the surface. There are people who are all facade, like a house left unfinished when the funds run out. They have the entrance of a palace but the inner rooms of a cottage."
Marriage renewal and individual character development go hand-in-hand.

The View From My Pedestal

I'm singing at the top of my lungs to Rascal Flatts or Fergie on my way to work in the morning with a big grin on my face.

I'm opening my sun roof and feeling the sun and wind against my face as I drive my favorite car ever.

I am happy to get my hair just right.

I love my job, my boss, my co-workers and my work.

I enjoy the appreciation and recognition I receive at my job.

I am so grateful for the sincere love and support of my best friends.

My Mother is so awesome and loves me so much that I can feel it miles and miles away.

I am learning, enjoying life and spending my time laughing, smiling and sharing conversation with fabulous people.

I strive to live from a place of grace and gratitude.

I have the "woo" factor.

I am special, smart, funny, good, beautiful, loved!!!

If I can't crawl up on my own pedestal every now and then, I can't help myself overcome life's challenges. I must be my very own biggest fan, strongest ally, best friend and staunchest protector.

The view looks pretty good from up here...

That Just Might Make the Blog!

I think it's pretty funny when something happens or something is said that leads my husband to retort, "That's going to make your blog, isn't it?" It's become kind of interesting to see what he thinks should or could make the blog.

This happened just last night as Tom Petty and the HeartBreakers wrapped up their half-time show during the Super Bowl and I said, "I don't know if I'm getting older or smarter, but I would've never thought that Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers would give a great Super Bowl half-time performance, and they just rocked the house...one of the best Super Bowl half-time performances I've seen!" To which Greg quickly replied, "You're getting to be a little bit more of both, honey!" (older & smarter!) When I looked at him and grined at the half compliment, he said in a half-joke: "That's going to make your blog tomorrow, isn't it?!" YEP!!

My husband knows me all too well; I love good dialogue. It's the cornerstone of my favorite movies ("When Harry Met Sally," "A Few Good Men," etc.) and my favorite songs (lyrics shared many times here on this blog) and it's what I love most about spending time with those in my life. That seemingly insignificant exchange that would only reside in my memory or a good journal entry can now be shared with the world (or at least the small pocket of folks that know me and read this thing) and now that Greg sees what "makes the blog" he realizes the types of conversations that leave a mark with me and, therefore, he is more aware of my smiles and grimaces and obvious reactions to certain things we say to one another because, as he says, they just might make the blog. I'm enjoying this very much!

-I am super excited about our trip to the Bahamas in March!!!

-I really hope we can stay home all weekend, aside from a trip to the gym and some meals, including to watch the Super Bowl.

-I am also excited about our tickets to go see Ray Romano and Brad Garrett perform in April.

-I wonder what sort of hat I'll wear on my birthday this year.

-I am looking forward to possibly helping someone who has recently lost everything in a house fire to fill their new home with furnishings.

-I'm so glad the sun is shining and that before too long the days will get longer and spring will, once again, be upon us.

-I wish I could get a real PINK on this dang blog that actually shows up!! Peach is as close as I can get.

-Work is going so well, and I am as happy today as I was the first day here at SMU!!

-This presidential race is getting mighty interesting: Giuliani drops; Edwards drops...before too long we won't have any of those typical political cookie cutters in the race. I can't wait to see how it all unfolds. I'm getting more and more excited about that vote I'll cast in November!!

-Saw "The Kingdom" over the weekend, the intense movie with Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner about a terrorist attack on a group of American citizens living in Saudi Arabia. It was a great movie and it even made me cry at times because of the emotion of it all and knowing that this story is not all fictional but happening all over the world every day. My how safely and naively we sleep in our American beds with our American ideals.

-I'm so happy for my Mom who is once again joining the corporate world after several years of sowing many creative, emotional, worthwhile, amazing oats in the worlds of music, personal life, interior decor, web design and self. I am happy because she seems so happy. She is so intelligent and so incredibly good at the legal profession. I really believe the people she will be working with truly need her and her expertise, her "I can conquer the world" attitude and just her overall spirit in what can be a most frightening situation in their lives that leads them to need this kind of legal assistance. I support and love you endlessly, Mommie!!

-Such an important lesson to learn and share that seems to be so important right now: Your life's passion may be your career, or your career may be what allows you to enjoy your life's passions. Your career doesn't have to define you, but it should add something to your life, even if that 'something' is the ability to enjoy your time outside of work more fully and more gratefully.

Famous movie-worthy quote from the weekend I spent with my loving husband...

Greg said, "Honey, you know you have the key to my heart."

I replied, "I know, we just need to get the lock fixed."

Everyone told me how difficult marriage would be. There's not one person that can honestly say they haven't been warned before taking those vows. Greg and I were not different in that respect, but like many others, we thought our marriage would be different. Or we thought, "Yeah, we know it'll be hard" but we didn't realize how hard it would actually be. At four years, three months and three days of marriage, I realize how very little I knew about this great commitment when I decided to say "I do" and how much I still have to learn. As human beings, we are constantly changing and evolving and sometimes those changes just don't coincide well with our relationship with our spouse. In the midst of what can already be a challenging time of personal changes, we must not only acclimate ourselves but also our mates. I don't know about others, but I know this has been damn difficult for me at times!! And there are also those times when our spouse resists the evolution, I am dragging him kicking and screaming behind me. Believe me, that's not fun, but just when I thought I couldn't pull and yank any more, both of us ready to throw in the towel because we are literally wearing each other out, it suddenly all became clear. I am reminded of several very important things:

1. this person is a part of me and even though that part is struggling, I can't just lop it off as I would merely continue to grow lopsided.

2. he is the man I chose for so many wonderful reasons and it's so easy to forget those reasons when we're in the midst of it all

3. we made a commitment and, though I don't think all commitments are unbreakable, I know this commitment is the most important one I have ever made and I should do whatever it takes to honor and cherish it as such.

So, as some of my family and friends may read this and be fearful that Greg and I are in trouble, be not afraid, we are better than ever because we are communicating; we are being honest; we are loving each other for exactly who we are and not what we think the other should be; we are grateful for the past and grateful that it's behind us and we are excited about our future. We are so excited, in fact, that we are able to share this journey in such a public way. There's a certain element of accountability in that, and we know it. We hope all of you will continue to love and support us, keep us honest and pray that as we continue down our path together, we don't forget these tough times as we truly believe you have to have really, really tough times to move forward and appreciate all of the wonderful things in store for us.

As for that lock I mentioned earlier, we've already gotten to work on repairing it. When we're done with it, it's going to be a strong, gold plated lock, perfectly matched to the key Greg handed me four years, three months and three days ago.

HEATH LEDGER

1979-2008

I wouldn't say Heath Ledger was my all-time favorite actor, but his portrayals in several movies I've seen have been enjoyable to watch. One such portrayal is that of the soft-hearted bad boy in "Ten Things I Hate About You" with Julia Stiles. This teen/chick flick is one I could watch over and over as it's just cheesy enough without being over-the-top. Anyway, when news of Heath Ledger's death came through my office on Tuesday, I was astounded. He is the same age as I am; he has a child; he has a successful acting career, but he has managed to avoid bad press. Why would this happen? Maybe it was an accident, but any time a celebrity is found naked, alone, dead in an apartment surrounded by pill bottles, one tends to think it wasn't an accident. Aside from the shock of someone so young and seemingly successful dying, this occurrence makes me think about how we all try and try to reach certain professional and personal achievements - we make more money, get the promotion, marry the perfect person - and yet we're still unhappy and sometimes destructive. I think Heath Ledger's death is a sure sign of how uncertain life can be. Even with fame and fortune, sadness and despair and recklessness can prevail. I am sad for Heath Ledger, his family and friends, but I am hopeful that his death can somehow be a wake-up call to some other favorite young celebrities (whether they are our favorite ones to love or hate! i.e. Ms. Spears) because whether they like it, or not, they are the ones our children are looking up to, including their own children. I would hate to think that my nieces and nephews are seeing a celebrity's destruction sensationalized by the media and somehow think any part of the behavior is alright. I just hope something positive can come out of something so sad, and I hope when further news of Heath Ledger's death comes out, the media will focus on what may have led to this tragedy and how others might avoid it for themselves instead of sensationalizing the dark side of fame.

"Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out." — Michael Burke

Instincts can be tricky, particularly if we don't listen to them. I consider my instincts a God-given gift that keeps me centered and in tune with myself. Lately there have been lots of conversations going on around me with people in my life about possible change and big life decisions - changing careers, starting a new job, buying a new home, having a baby, making a big move...and the list goes on. I find that during times of decision and choice, it is when we make a definitive decision without much discussion that we are probably acting upon that instinct and doing what is right for ourselves. It is when we begin to question ourselves that things get sticky and confusing. Though I am a talker and one who likes to think about and discuss things to death, I must admit that it's the decisions I make without much of that stuff that tend to be the decisions best suited for me. My career choices, my home, my decision to attend SMU for my undergrad and graduate studies...all of these were decisions that I made pretty easily and have not lived one day of regret about.

Instinct also tells us when someone is 'good' for us and when someone is not. This could be in a professional setting or a personal one. I've found these instincts to be pretty strong and pretty accurate over the years. Instinct allows for self-preservation in so many ways if we'll just listen and be aware and act accordingly. In a world of mass communication, information over-load and having our time fully booked, that place within ourselves that serves to help us know what is best is the only voice worth listening to and the most worthwhile time spent.

Family Weekend

This past weekend in Houston was pretty wonderful. Not only did I get to spend time with my aunt, uncle and cousin from San Diego, but there was a mini reunion at my grandparents' house on Saturday with 17 of us all there together at once. Probably the most wonderful part of it all was watching two of the little cousins, sons of my first cousins, play together. It was like they'd known one another for their entire lives, though they'd only just met that very day. They built toys in the garage workshop together; they acted out skits together; they laughed at each other's jokes and even ate the same thing for lunch! I admit, I got quite sentimental and choked up over the whole experience. There were several of the cousins missing, which was unfortunate, but having so many of us together at once was such a gift. I'm so glad I was able to make it to Houston to be a part of this special time.

Weekend Excitement!

I am super excited about my up-coming weekend. My Uncle Eddie, Aunt Sachiko and second cousin, Wesley, (whom I've never met) are in Houston visiting our family there and I am flying down tomorrow to see them! These are two of my favorite people and I haven't seen them in years. Anyone who knows me well has heard me talk about my Uncle Eddie who is a retired naval officer, lives in San Diego and has always called me "Little Girl." I think I've always held a special place in his heart because he had two sons and I think he may have liked to have a little girl, as well. If you know me well you also know that my Aunt Sachiko who is from Japan is probably the first person in my life to introduce me to Japanese food and Japanese wonders like hand-painted fans and tea sets, silk robes, colorful hankerchiefs, paintings and all the beautiful items that she has given me from her country over the years. Everyone knows I have a real fascination with the Asian culture and with Asian food; Aunt Sachiko started it all! It is even because of her that I call my grandmother "Baba" (meaning 'old woman' in Japanese) and my grandfather "Gege" (meaning 'old man' in Japanese). These are the terms of endearment of all grandparents in Japan. Uncle Eddie and Aunt Sachiko are also the parents of my very favorite cousins, Richard and Kenji. There were times, even though they lived far away, that Kenji (who is only a year older than me) felt more like a brother than a cousin. Kenji even came to Texas and stayed with us over a couple of summers and boy did we have a blast! Every time we saw one another, it was like not a day had gone by and we picked up right where we left off. Not to mention the many, many letters we've written to one another over the years. "Pen Pals for Life" is what we would write. To tell the truth, Kenji and I were pretty enamored with each other. We would laugh so hard we would cry, he would pick on me 'til I wanted to scream and we would share all of our secrets because we trusted that they would stay a secret. Richard, the older, wiser one, was always so allusive and "so cool," but even now when we speak on the phone I feel that same way with him, that there's no space or distance between us. I have always felt very connected to Richard and Kenji and their parents; I always have and I think I always will. When I am around them or speak with them, it just feels like we're family. So, I can't wait to see them and hug them and spend time with them. I am so glad they made their way from San Diego to Houston.

Another greeting that I am overjoyed about making this weekend is with my Mom's new pup - Sunny!! She came into my Mom's life over Christmas and we are both so happy she did. Sunny is a brand new Sheltie puppy and was the runt of the litter just like one of my childhood dogs, Pupkin. Mom and I loved Pupkin so much and her passing was particularly tough on Mom. I always knew that she would have another Sheltie and I am so glad that it's Sunny Girl!! I've seen her once when she was still with her little brothers and sisters and also in a photo, but I can't wait to hold her and squeeze her and play with her this weekend. YEA!! Can't wait.

"The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend." — Henry David Thoreau

I am a person of action. Since one of my very best friends has been going through one of the most difficult times in her life, I have wanted to do something for her. I want to feel like I am helping her and helping to in some small way make things better for her. I coordinated a plan to do just that a few weeks ago; I took action. But that plan, though greatly appreciated, was not to be, and I was back to feeling a bit helpless. Since then I have learned a valuable lesson. The very best thing you can do when a friend is experiencing pain and fear and emotional upheaval is just be a friend. I have heard her voice when I tell her I am here for her and she can be as sad or as mad as she wants with me. I have seen her face when I look into her eyes filled with tears and cry with her. I have heard the gratitude when I have said something that has made her laugh even though her heart is aching. Now I realize that my need to take action is somewhat selfish. I want to feel like I'm helping by taking action when this situation is not about me. If I am simply available to my friend, responding to her emotionally, I know instinctively what to do for her and we help each other.

On Monday night at about 12:30 a.m. I got one of those dreaded phone calls from a family member saying someone I love was in the emergency room in serious pain and that I was needed. I didn't even think about it before springing out of bed, putting on my clothes and getting to the hospital right away. I sat with my brother and his wife for hours in the ER while they ran tests and gave very little information all while my brother moaned in agony over the pain he was experincing. This situation was very different from the one previously described because I was asked to help - to do something. It is equally as important to be there during a crisis in the physical sense as it is to be there in the emotional sense. Sometimes just sitting and talking with a loved one at the hopital so they won't be alone in their fear is critical to allowing the patient to in some way relax. My brother had surgery yesterday and he is doing much better today. My sister in law has finally slept, as have I, and this day is looking much better than the last. Being there emotionally and physically for others has made me understand that this is what we're all really here for...to love one another in the best way we can, no rules just right.

I have been loved so much in my life and it feels so good to share that love with those most important to me. Thank you to my best friend, Jenn, my brother, Brett, and sister in law, Tiffany, for helping me see that the very best gift you can give to another is to be their friend and that many times action and plans and stuff has little to do with that.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." — Joseph Campbell

Appropriate Indulgence

My week off for Christmas included the following...

Dec 20: champagne, wine, lots of tasty appetizers and great conversation shared with my new co-workers

Dec 21: dinner, drinks, gifts and so much to say with Nicole

Dec 22: sleeping late, Christmas church service and a long, luxurious dinner by the fire at a new restaurant with Lauren

Dec 23: sleeping late, starting on a well overdue scrapbooking project, Dallas Stars vs. the Canadiens hockey game, large beers and lots of laughs with hubby and Jenn, greeting the hockey players following the game

Dec 24: sleeping late, massage, yummy Thai lunch, purchasing a bag of books to read, "Opa!" fantastic Greek dinner, signature cocktails by the fire at home as I'm opening gifts and staying up late playing a board game with my hubby

Dec 25: sleeping real late, watching the original "Miracle on 34th Street" for the first time, spending time with family and sharing an overabundance of food

Dec 26: sleeping late, lazy time spent with Greg, reading a romance novel, working on a scrapbooking project

Dec 27: sleeping sort of late, a long brunch (3 hours!!) with Nicole, navigating the mall (BAD idea!), more scrapbooking, pizza and beer with hubby

Dec 28: sleeping real late, more scrapbooking, more reading, dinner, drinks and darts with hubby

Dec 29: sleeping late, more scrapbooking, chick flicks at home, drinks with a new friend

Dec 30: sleeping late, breakfast with a big group of friends, more scrapbooking (I think to myself, "Will this book EVER get completed?!"), football, jell-o shot making and poker at Dan's, pizza and beer, bubble bath and finishing the romance novel.

That brings me to today. As one can tell, the last eleven days have been filled with sleeping late, friends, food & drink, my two favorite hobbies, relaxation and more food & drink. If "dinner and drinks" was left off on any of the days above that is simply because I can't remember every meal we enjoyed, but believe me there was plenty enjoyed. I find these indulgences to be a proper finish to a year filled with indulgence, both good and bad.

Indulgence is defined in several ways:

1. something that somebody lets himself or herself or another person have, especially a luxury

2. a kind or tolerant attitude toward somebody

3. the act of gratifying or yielding to a wish

None of these definitions have a negative connotation to them yet so many times the word "indulgence" is associated with over doing something, like over-eating, over-drinking, over-shopping. I intend to continue my indulgences in 2008, but I will be sure that those indulgences are positive in nature and make me feel good as opposed to making me feel bad about myself (as in the over-eating or over-drinking). At the end of this long week off, I feel happy, a well-earned paunchy, very relaxed and certainly ready to ring in a new year of indulging in the journey with my spiritual self, friends, family, healthy fare and the fulfillment of dreams and goals. I wish you the same!

Canceling Christmas

In the spirit of "Christmas with the Krank's," that not-so-funny Tim Allen movie where he over does it with the spray tan in anticipation of a Christmas cruise he and his wife never get to enjoy because their daughter decides at the very last minute to come home for Christmas, I made a bold decision over the weekend. I canceled Christmas.

The original plan was for my grandparents and my mother to come to Dallas and stay with us. We would have dinner on Christmas Eve, probably attend a church service, and then open gifts on Christmas morning before heading out to Bedford to spend some time with Greg's family. Though I was looking forward to spending some time with my family for the holidays, I also know that a quiet Christmas at home alone with my husband is just what the doctor ordered. I asked my grandparents and my Mom if they wouldn't mind if we canceled our plans and they all seemed very understanding. I'm truly not trying to be all "bah-hum-bug!" or anything, I just feel a little overwhelmed and really want to focus on me and Greg.

I still have all the gifts wrapped and under the tree. I still exchanged presents with co-workers, friends and other family members. I will still enjoy drinking hot cider by the fire with my hubby next week, I just won't have to be running around the house all crazy hoping everyone is comfortable all the while only making myself uncomfortable. The few short days Greg and I have off from work together, I want to cherish and enjoy in as much peace and quiet as possible. I'm so glad my family members understand my need for that this year. I am also grateful to have been with them over the long weekend in Houston, which makes the decision so much easier.

All of that said, I am wishing all of you a happy, happy holiday filled with peace of mind, quiet, special moments with the ones you love and, most of all, joy in your heart. Remember, sometimes the very best gifts are the ones we give ourselves, but are also some of the toughest things to remember at this time of the year, like knowing when to say "no" and when to take time alone.

There's just so much I love about music. I have it on all day long - in my office, on my MP3, in my car. My husband accuses me of being into only the lyrics, but that's not the case at all. I have songs that I blast at full blown purely because of the beat. But I will admit that most songs, particularly country music songs, grab me because of the lyrics. Here, a few examples of my favorite awesome, put-a-smile-on-your-face lyrics:

"Settle for a Slow Down" - Dierks Bentley

I must look just like a fool here

in the middle of the road

standing there in your rearview

and getting soaked to the bone

this land is flat as it is mean

a man can see for a hundred miles

So I'm still praying I might see

the glow of a brake light.

But your wheels just turn,

down the road ahead

If it hurts at allyou aint showed it yet

I keep a lookin' for

the slightest sign that you might miss

what you left behind

I know there's nothing stopping you now

but I'd settle for a slowdown.

I held on longer than I should

Believing you might change your mind

And those bright lights of Hollywood

would fade in time.

But your wheels just turn

down the road ahead

If it hurts at all

you aint showed it yet

I keep a lookin' forthe slightest sign

that you might miss

what you left behind

I know there's nothing stopping you now

but I'd settle for a slowdown.

But your wheels just turn

down the road ahead

if it hurts at all

you ain't showed it yet

your just a tiny dot on that horizon line

come on tap those brakes

baby just one time

I know there's nothing stopping you now

Im not asking you to turn back around

I'd settle for a slowdown

come on just slow down

I'd settle for a slow down.

This song just makes me feel all warm and bubbly inside when I hear it. Lyrics, music, voice and all...

"Bubbly" - Colbie Caillat

I've been awake for a while now

You've got me feelin' like a child now

'Cause every time I see your bubbly face

I get the tingles in a silly place

It starts in my toes

And I crinkle my nose

Where ever it goes

I always know

That you make me smile

Please stay for a while now

Just take your time

Where ever you go

The rain is falling on my window pane

But we are hiding in a safer place

Under covers staying safe and warmY

ou give me feelings that I adore

You start in my toes

Make me crinkle my nose

Where ever it goes

I always know

That you make me smile

Please stay for a while now

Just take your time

Where ever you go

What am I gonna say

When you make me feel this way

I just mmmmm

Starts in my toes

Makes me crinkle my nose

Where ever it goes

I always know

That you make me smile

Please stay for a while now

Just take your time

Where ever you go

I've been asleep for a while nowY

ou tuck me in just like a child now

'Cause every time you hold me in your arms

I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul

And I lose all control

When you kiss my nose

The feeling shows'cause you make me smile baby

Just take your time now

Holdin' me tight

Where ever where ever where ever you go

Where ever where ever where ever you go where ever you go

I always know

'Cause you make me smile

Even just for a while

Just a Few Things...

-One of my best friends and her husband are experiencing what none of us would ever want to experience: He needs major surgery and there is the potential for other scary medical news this week. We are hoping and praying that the patient pulls through with flying colors, that a benign "softball" is all we're looking at and that he'll be happy, healthy and cracking jokes about his "battle scar" before too long.

-I attended a farewell luncheon today that I was hesitant about going to because it was for a co-worker (who happens to be a close friend of mine) from Presbyterian, and I would be surrounded by ex-coworkers. Don't know why I was hesitant as they all seemed happy to see me and made me feel so welcome. I'm really glad I attended the luncheon.

-I was completely inspired by the spirit and dedication of my friends who ran a half marathon here in Dallas yesterday! I was also thrilled and proud of the excitment my friends displayed in cheering them on. It made me so happy to be a part of such a wonderful circle of friendship.

-I finished all of our Christmas shopping over the weekend. It took me a few clicks of the mouse to order most things on-line in addition to about five hours of shopping in the stores on Saturday. Whew...marathon shopping.

-I have also almost finished yet another semester of school. I completed the last of the papers and sent them out to my professor today, and all I have remaining is a final exam on Wednesday. I will greatly appreciate walking out of that test Wednesday night...D-O-N-E!!

-I think I am almost fully recovered from my traumatic facial experience last week. The memories of the pain are almost gone, replaced by memories of the wonderful massage I experienced that day, as well.

-I REALLY miss my friends that moved to Connecticutt!! I had a phone date with Jenn last Tuesday evening and we laughed and talked and when we hung-up all I could think was, "I wish we still lived in the same city." Some people move away and you miss seeing them, but it's not top of mind so much. That just isn't the case with Jenn and Mark. I find myself on random Saturdays thinking, "Hey! Let's call them up and go grab a beer." And then I remember that isn't possible...so sad. I guess it just goes to show how much I adore them that I can miss them so much.

Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye.
— Grey Livingston

As I reflect this week on beauty and the things we do for beauty, this quite resonates with me. I endured a pretty severe facial treatment on Tuesday that included about 20 minutes of "extractions," which is a really nice way of saying "excrutiating annihialation of one's face." I've had some issues with my skin for a while now due to those lovely hormones that women deal with. I put off going to see a professional for my issues thinking I could handle it on my own. When there seemed to be no improvement after using various soaps, washes, toners, masks and scrubs, I decided it was time to bring in the big guns. Well, the facial started out wonderfully. A massage here, a scrub there and some relaxing steam all over...but then came that scary magnifying glass with the bright light, a needle and two eager hands to attack my "imperfections." I have never felt pain like this before; I am not exaggerating. For about 20 full minutes, I would wringe my hands, grit my teeth and sometimes cry out in pain. When she was done, which seemed like an eternity from when she began, I was exhausted and my face felt mutilated. "Why did I do this to myself?!" I screamed in my mind. Surely there is a good reason.

It's now a little less than 48 hours later and my face is somewhat calm, but still looks and feels wretched in some areas. The estetician said it would be a good three days for the areas to clear up so I guess I'm hoping that by the weekend, I'll feel and look somewhat back to normal...or better.

Anyway, my point in relaying this horrific event is this: We put ourselves through such pain and anguish for the sake of beauty and yet I'm not even sure what beauty really is. I think what Livingston has to say about the subject is right on - we have to feel beautiful before we will look beautiful. And to be honest, after that facial I put myself through I feel a lot less beautiful now than I did when I walked in to my appointment that day, and I'm sure that's written all over this red, splotchy, raw face. The question is: Do we have to get to the "red, splotchy, raw place" in our lives before we can begin to feel beautiful again? I would hope not in most cases, but in my case, I sure hope so!

Strange things...

-There was a curious squirrel outside my office window for a while when I arrived at work this morning. It seemed to want to come in a stay awhile with me. It stood on its hind legs with it's front paws on the window just staring in at me.

-I saw and experienced my first real wrinkle. It's a crease more than a wrinkle and it's in my forehead. It didn't really bother me when I first saw it, I felt more like, "Aha, that's what people are talking about..." But it seems to grab my eye every time I look in the mirror now. I ask myself, "How did that get there? Will it always be there? Will this become something I'll fret over like so many other women?"

-I attended my first yoga/pilates fusion class at the SMU gym and ended up being the only participant to show up. So, I received a private lesson. It was intimidating and cool and a great workout. The instructor was maybe 20 years old, probably a dance major here at SMU and I felt as though he had no worries in life.

-People who don't get up every morning and go to a "job" intrigue me. I'm not talking about people who work from home, or who travel for work, I'm talking about homemakers and retirees. What do they do all day? Don't they get bored? Do they sleep in late when they want, shower only if they want to, eat whatever and whenever?

-I find it easier to cry and express emotion when watching a TV show than when something dramatic is happening in my own life. My latest craze is Extreme Home Makeover. I cry at the previews! I'd like to think this is because nothing in my life warrants the kind of raw emotion that someone who is in such a situation that they're needing a home warrants, but I'm pretty sure it's something else altogether.

-I have always had a sick competition with my Mother over beauty pageants and the kind of things that just don't matter all that much. When I was very young, I would pick a winner and she would pick a winner and if my girl didn't win, I would cry and cry. Not because I cared for the girl so much as I wanted to beat my Mom. Well, last night it reared its ugly head again because my girl on Dancing with the Stars, Julianne, won the competition for the second time and the only other dancer who has done that is, you guessed it, my Mom's favorite, Cheryl. What was my thought when they handed Julianne and her partner the trophy? "The competition is on!" (Smiles, Mom!!)

-People put so much energy into their wedding day - the plans, the upsets, the stresses, the intricate details - but do we put that much energy into our marriages?

-I'm actually, honestly playing with the idea of getting another degree after I finish my masters next semester. Now that is crazy!!!

What I'm Thankful For

It's that time of year again when people come together to give thanks and to be with family. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because one's only obligation is to share in the abundance with those we love and reflect on what we are grateful for. And that's no obligation at all, but such a blessing!

This year, I am thankful for the people in my life...
my siblings who love me and have always looked out for me
my Mother who is all her own person
my grandparents who make me chuckle
my Father who is always so jolly
my nieces and nephews - every moment with them is such a joy
my New York family who I miss every day, especially on holidays
my friends, without whom I would be lost
my Husband, who fights for me and for us, and who comforts me and keeps me close to his heart.

I am also thankful for...
my new job that I love
my new car that still gets me excited about waking up and driving
inspirations that remind me how blessed I am
therapy
massage
dessert
time alone
great books to read
a friendly smile
a hearty laugh.

Wishing you and yours a time to reflect and be thankful.

New York for the Holidays

Since I can't be in New York for the holidays this year, my sweet mother-in-law has been bringing New York to me through her fabulous photos of all the traditional holiday preparations in the Big City. From the skating rink in Bryant Park, the twinkly lights on all the bigs buildings, the Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center to the awesome window dressings in all the department stores, she has really made me feel as close to New York as can be. Nothing compares to a Christmas spent in New York City, what a gift to have family there to visit and to have a New York Mom who cares enough to send me a small piece of what makes New York so wonderful. Here I share some of her gifts...

Leaves changing

City lights

Lord & Taylor, choir and lights

Fabulous department store window - Carmen Marc Valvo, a favorite designer

Another wonderful store window

An appropriate part of this great gift of the holidays in New York, a holiday chef as part of one of the department store windows!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Hopeful Expectations

I remember when I was a little girl I would pull everything out of my closet 0r my dresser drawers and I would organize things, throw stuff away that I did not need and I would replace everything I had taken out in a neat and orderly fashion. I would clean my room, dust the shelves and vacuum the floor, putting everything in its place. Then, when everything was sparkly clean and just right, I would bounce down the hall to where my Mom was and excitedly ask her to come see what I had done. She would get that knowing smile on her face and follow me to my room. My Mom would "ooh" and "ahh" at my work all the while thinking to herself, "what kind of child gets this excited about cleaning?" It would thrill me to tackle these projects and then receive the utmost praise and validation from the most important person in my life. No, I wasn't destined to be a housekeeper or manager of the Container Store, though I would be really good at both, I just enjoyed the process of getting things in order and then having someone appreciate it.

Two nights ago I experienced this phenomenon again, but this time I was on the other end of the praise. My Husband has a room in our home that is all his own - his office. It's a wonderful room that has needed some TLC lately due to some poor construction issues when the house was first built. Now that the structural problems are fixed, the walls are patched and the carpet installed, Greg must tackle the task of getting the room just right. (Boy do I know that feeling!) It's still a work in progress, but on Tuesday he'd made a few adjustments and asked that I come see the results of his work. Upon entering the room and seeing the furniture, which has been moved around countless times, in yet another new positioning, I also saw that look on Greg's face. It's the look that I would get as a child watching my Mom enter my room to validate my work. It can only be described as "hopeful expectation." I melted when I saw this look on my sweet Husband's face, and I was also literally taken back to those numerous times as a little girl when I felt exactly the same way. How interesting that Greg and I would both get this hopeful expectation over doing the same types of projects and tasks.

We all experience this hopeful expectation throughout our lives. We thrive on that positive energy that comes from hearing someone you love and respect tell you that you've done well. Imagine how different I would be as a person if, after seeing my work as a child, my Mom had said, "that's good, sweetie, but maybe you should've hung your jackets like this instead," or if she hadn't been willing to walk down the hall to see my work. Though I don't intend to overdramatize this, I do think that how we respond to someone's hopeful expectation of us can truly affect that person. So, when Greg asked me what I thought of his new furniture arrangement in his office I turned to him, smiled and said, "I think this is the best it's ever been and I can't wait to see what else you're going to do in here. Good work!" Though my words were probably a little less impactful to a man of 35 years than for a child of five or six, I knew it could do a world of good none the less.

Who knew that I would learn so much from myself as a little girl that would apply to myself and my marriage at age 28. Who knew that the simple praise and validation from my loving Mother for cleaning my room would make such an impact on me forever and, therefore make an impact on those I love most. It goes to show that you never know what footprints you are leaving on another - walk softly and praise often.